Adieu 2017

Okay, as 2017 draws to a close, as usual, I take some time to retrospect and reflect on what were the things which went well, and what were the critical learnings.

I started the year jobless, and I remained without a job for the first two months. To mention that in brief, it was a period of uncertainty, tension, doubt and it was definitely not a very pleasant feeling.

However, thanks to support from friends and family, I finally managed to get a new job in March, which led me shifting to another city. So after a period of over 3.5 years, it was finally time to bid adieu to Mumbai. I have had lots of good experiences in the city, met new people, made quite a few friends, interacted with colleagues, discovered my interest in modern board gaming, which led me to participate in several board gaming sessions, learnt to enjoy the continual monsoons, experienced the humidity and complete absence of winter, explored the areas, long walks on marine drive, vada pav, paani puri, had exposure to both Corporate and Factory HR- Professionally, and frankly did a lot of amazing things with some amazing people.

Nevertheless, moving to Kolkata was a good experience as well. The obvious advantage was getting a proximity to home, which helped a lot. I had not expected to be back in my home state so soon, but it was welcoming all the same. I reconnected with some old friends in Kolkata, and made a few new ones. Even discovered a Board Gaming café here, which I happen to frequent on most weekends. Again took a new place on rent, in a pretty decent society, though a bit far away from central Kolkata, but having good facilities nevertheless.
The new job is also going decent (with its shares of ups and downs of course, as I believe no job can be perfect). The best part of it being that my colleagues (especially in my team, HR) are really friendly, supportive and helpful, and I absolutely enjoy working with them and spending time with them. There were lot of new things to be learnt, both professionally and personally. I even got to see Shaan perform live in one of our corporate events.

On the personal front, I made few bad decisions, especially the one to get into a relationship with someone whom I didn’t know that well. Let’s just say that it did not turn out well for either of us, and we decided to separate pretty soon. That was also a learning though. One should never rush into these things, without considering all factors.

I got to visit my home once every month, and it feels good re-connecting with family, enjoying good home cooked food, and just relaxing without any worries. Thankfully my parents are still doing well, and are in good spirits.

One thing which I realized had taken a back seat was ‘fitness’. After a lot of procrastination, I finally pushed myself to go to the local gym, go on walks, etc. Very recently, I repaired my cycle (which was lying dysfunctional for over a year), and I today, I actually cycled over 10 kms to office, from my home. It was an exhilarating experience, to say the least.

Another thing which I ensured, was that I travel to at least two new places this year. So I made trips to Rajasthan and Uttarakhand (I have never been to either of the states earlier). I also visited Ranchi for the first time and met a friend there. I attended weddings of a few close friends, even visited Mumbai two times in between.

Also met Girish in the beginning of the year, who had come over from USA for a few days. I was still in Mumbai back then. Subodh’s wedding in Baroda was also one of the highlights.

I am also really glad that my habit of reading books remains unchanged. I have read quite a few good books this year, but two of them which stand out are ‘Sapiens’ and ‘Homo Deus’ by the same author, Yuval Harari, an Israeli Historian, who has written about the history of mankind, and has also predicted how things can be like in future. I would recommend everyone to read these two books, to get some incredible insights on life and evolution.

I have also developed my body clock to sleep early and wake up early. Nowadays I try to wake up in between 6 and 6:30 am, and go to sleep at max by 10:30 pm. This has really helped me develop a healthier lifestyle, though I have a long way to go.

There were failures too of course, I wanted to revise and brush my concepts of Japanese, but could not really spare sufficient time to do so. Neither have I been able to practice much on my keyboard, and my telescope remains inside my house, not yet opened once in the past year.

Hopefully, I will work on the above and more going forward.
That’s it from my side. Thank you for reading. Wish you a happy near year in advance.

Of Dating, Booze and More!

The first post of the new year. So let me handle two topics which lot of people ask me: i) Boozing, and ii) Dating/Relationships

i) Why am I a teetotaller? That too, being a Sardar.

First of all, there are quite a few other Sardars/Sikhs who do not drink as well. Generalization and stereotyping does not help. Many people ask me why I do not drink. Or party. One guy even asked me this: ‘You do not smoke. You do not drink. How do you enjoy life then?’

To all of them, and anyone who is interested to know: I do not have a logical answer to this. I don’t drink simply because I don’t want to. Disappointed with the answer? Live with it. But, yes there may be a psychological reason, with me considering myself superior or a ‘good’ guy just cause I do not booze. And yes, I do feel uncomfortable when people drink around me. Can’t help it. And watching people knock themselves out/puking, fully drunk, actually makes me feel disgusted to the core.

And I do not party, because I don’t like crowds. Plus I do not drink or dance. No point just standing and staring at the people, is there?

ii) Why do I not have a girlfriend? Why don’t I date anyone?


Again, I do not know. I do NOT have any principle of not dating a girl. I am totally fine with dating or having relationships. It’s just that it hasn’t happened so far. End of story. Yes, maybe I didn’t put in any effort to woo a girl. Maybe girls don’t like to be around me. And of course, going to a bar or pub and trying to buy a girl a drink doesn’t count, when you don’t visit bars. Being from a ‘Boys Only’ school, an Engineer and an MBA from a top bschool does not help when it comes to making female friends, or girlfriends. And being someone who doesn’t like to socialize much will also provide limited opportunities for hanging out with the fairer sex.

Do I care? Maybe, maybe not. It all depends on luck. Konnichiwa 2014.

Are Live-In Relationships Immoral?

Okay, I will keep this post short. For a change, instead of giving my opinion, I would like to know Your opinion on this controversial topic.

But before you give your views[via replies to this post], do read the following Letter published in the Hindu, a few days ago. Its typed Verbatim.

' It may appear that live-in relationships offer women a lot of freedom but they actually give them no security. It is the duty of the elders and society to guide young girls in the right direction lest society become corrupt and dirty. The Indian marriage system is the best and any attempt to go against it will have grave implications for our morals and peaceful lifestyle. '

This letter was written in response to the recent Hullabaloo going on in the Supreme Court regarding Live-in relationships and allowances[including the misuse of the word 'Keep']. But my question is, if two people decide not to marry and stay together under one roof, is it corrupting our society and making it dirty, as the gentleman says in his letter?

If you are reading the above post, I would request you to post a reply, stating your views on the topic. Thanks in advance.

Relationships, Trust and Betrayal

*Continued From Previous Post


The hardest thing in the world is not to get entry into an IIT or IIM, but to control one’s emotions. Especially the negative emotions. Its not possible for any living being to get rid of them, but they can definitely be subdued by staying optimistic, thinking and acting positively, and doing scrupulous deeds. Keep yourself in company of optimistic people, who are ready to work for a noble cause, and who believe that there is NO shortcut for success. I guess you must have an idea of why relationships break. Moreover, in recent times, we see that the youth [especially the guys] are not really looking for love and caring. They are looking for trophies [which they euphemistically call girlfriends] that they can display for others to see, and which can satisfy their lust. Of course there are exceptions, but they are far and few in between. They have no shame in changing their trophies when they feel the current one is rusted. In fact, the more they get the better for them. This is their lugubrious mentality.

Most girls look for their ‘Prince in Shining armor’ who will love them and care for them forever. Their weakness is that they are too trusting. Even Count Dracula can come in a ‘Prince Armor’ and pretend to be an Angel[read Ideal Partner]. And it’s quite likely that the girl may fall for such a trick. The real trouble comes when the girl gets exposed to the actual reality. Unfortunately most of the time, she will blatantly refuse to believe that her ‘Prince’ [in reality Dracula] can do any salacious or immoral activity. She will blindly continue to trust him[refusing the advice of others], till he actually dumps her. After that, she will be shocked. ‘How could this happen? He could not have done something like this.’ If only she had opened her eyes sooner, none of this would have happened. Most of the suicides in India happen due to failed love, apart from failed examinations of course.



Okay, so now that you know why relationships break so often, what’s the remedy? Do we stop trusting everyone, isolate ourselves and live alone till we die of loneliness? Obviously not. Just don’t trust anyone and everyone. Try to know a person properly before you give your heart out to him/her. But the Golden Rule is –‘Never take anything[or anyone] for granted.’ That person may be your partner now, but he/she may not be with you tomorrow. Do don’t be over-dependent on anyone. Do not blindly trust others. This does not mean that you don’t love others. Share as much love as you can, but at the same time, be prepared mentally and emotionally for any scenario. If you believe something such as-‘She loves me so much, that she can never leave me no matter what happens’, then you are only living in a Fool’s paradise. People change, and there is nothing you can do about it.

If you are ready to face any situation, it will add on to your advantage. First of all, you will not be shocked if someone betrays you. Definitely it will hurt in the beginning, but you will learn to move ahead with your life. Always remember that life is not about a few individuals alone. The most important step is Forgiveness- it will help you feel better and move on. Do NOT hold grudges against anyone, even if that person has betrayed you for no apparent reason [I know its very much easier said than done, but trust me its worth it]. Do not keep thinking about your past-the broken relations which cannot be mended. Discussing your problems with friends [genuine ones obviously] will always make you feel better. Moreover, remember that it’s just NOT possible to please everyone. There will always be some people who will complain about and criticize your actions and pass lewd comments. These are the people best ignored.

Keep yourself busy with work. It really helps. An Empty Mind is Indeed a Devil’s workshop. If you keep yourself occupied, it’s quite likely you wont keep thinking about your broken relationships. Aim to be altruistic. I find this principle to be quite effective-‘If the problem is only affecting me, then it’s not a problem worth looking at.’ Of course its not true, you should not ignore your problems. But considering that you are just one individual in this world of nearly 7 billion people, your problem [especially if it’s just affecting you] can’t be all that serious, can it?

Finally, you may have a question similar to this one- ‘I did whatever you mentioned. I loved her, gave her everything I could, treated her kindly, with care, gave her loads of gifts, took her to movies, blah blah blah, Yet she still left me. Why did she betray me?’
Alas, as I said earlier, there is no specific answer. Remember that you do not necessarily have to do something Wrong for someone[he/she could have been very close to you] to betray you or leave you. It’s just the subtle intricacies of the human mind, mysterious and inexplicable. You cannot force anyone[neither should you] to do things according to your wish. Similarly you can’t force them to stay with you forever, or love you incessantly.

Thanks a lot for going through this mammoth post. Do share your views and thoughts about this sensitive issue.

Why did I get betrayed by the person whom I trusted the Most?

So am back again. This time with an uncanny topic- Relationships and betrayals. Am quite sure that most of you must have been in a relationship with someone. Let me clarify that by relationships, I mean the ones between couples or close friends. [Am not considering parent-child,brother-sister,etc relationships in this post] Even if you are single, you must be having [at least a few] close friends on whom you can rely upon at all times. But it’s also quite likely that you have witnessed some gruesome betrayals as well, and they are even more vicarious when they are carried out by the ones whom you trust the most.

You may be on the verge of a nervous breakdown. How could he/she do it to me? I trusted him/her with my life. How could she leave me for another fool who doesn’t even care for her? Why did he do that to me, when I did everything for him? All this and many more questions may be swirling in your mind, demanding answers but getting no replies. So why do people betray us, and how can we deal with such emotions? Why do relationships break? I will try to answer a few such arcane questions with my own personal beliefs.

Okay you have been through a betrayal which has shattered you. First and foremost, do NOT keep blaming the person who did so. Remember the Gospel Truth- Human Beings are Not Gods- they make mistakes and they do things which they should not. Else no-one can explain the growth of crime in contemporary times. Plus there is another thing you should know- Humans are sadistic[Almost all of them]-Believe it. We love hurting others, it makes us feel good[You need proof, go ask any college student what the word ‘ragging’ means]. Plus today pointing fingers at others won’t help, you will just get more fingers pointed at you tomorrow.

Thinking that you cannot hurt or betray anyone is another fallacious thought. You[in fact every human] is capable of betraying, hurting and even killing another, depending on the situation. In fact, there is nothing more complicated than the functioning of the human mind. Its one of those few things Science cannot[at least not yet] fully explain. But know this much, if provoked even a reticent person is capable of genocide. Okay, let us leave the concept of murder for the time being. We were discussing betrayals were we not? So why should our best friend, whom we trusted, betray us? There is no conspicuous answer for this one. There can be many reasons. And it varies according to gender. Females are much more likely to keep quiet about their grievances and later vent out all their frustration at one go. Guys like instant solutions for their problems, even those which need long term investment. Moreover, a girl is much more likely to initiate a break-up than a guy. If betrayed, she is very likely to break all contacts with him. The situation is usually the reverse for males. A guy is not likely to accept a betrayal, and in many cases, will seek revenge. Even if he forgives the girl, he will still not want to break contact. He is more eager to search for a new partner to satisfy his lust. And he usually cannot tolerate ignorance.



Recently, I saw an episode of Crime Patrol, where a Navy Officer shot dead his girlfriend just because she wanted to break-up with him. That too, she had a genuine reason for doing so, since he was already married and had kept that secret hidden from her. He could not bear the ignominy of being rejected, so he took such an extreme step. Did he really love her? Of course not, you do not gun down the persons you love, unless you are mentally retarded or something. He just wanted to possess the hapless girl, so that he could satisfy all his nefarious desires.

So as you can see, there may be innumerable reasons for a person to betray you, irrespective of the fact that he/she is your best friend. The same logic applies to you. You may think that you are the nicest person in the world, but you can still commit crimes as serious as those committed by dictators. Personally, I myself have betrayed and have been betrayed by others. Some people may not desire your company any longer, so they choose to go on their own path. Some people may be frustrated by your behavior but refuse to tell that to you. Others may simply find someone better to replace you [as a couple or best friend], so they ‘move on’.

Jealousy can also be a apposite reason. Say you and are friend are both preparing for a competitive exam say[simplest example]. Say both of you were equally intelligent and equally hard-working in all respects. Yet, for some reason your friend gets into a Top Institute, and you do not. What will you feel? Admiration for your friend? Less likely. Jealousy and envy, that he got it and you did not? Yup, that rings a bell! In that case, it’s very much possible that you distance yourself from him, declaring him to be a subtle villain who is egocentric and does not care about his friends. But is that truly the case? Obviously not, it’s just your negative thoughts playing games with your emotions.


* To be Concluded in the Next post.