Homo Deus

In the era of Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, etc, I seriously feel that the attention span of people has gone down. People are highly addicted to their virtual environments and have little time for real face to face conversations or doing simple things which do not involve cameras or mobile phones.

I believe we should make an active effort to detoxify ourselves or this is only going to end badly. Most people would not even prefer to read detailed articles on blogs, and can seldom go beyond a few paragraphs. We all need instant gratification, immediate pleasure. Meaningful relationships are giving way to the Hook Up culture. Even when people go out to travel, they are more focussed on taking selfies and uploading pictures than living in the moment.

Most of the youngsters constantly crib about their work life and their bosses, but very few of them actually do anything about it. We really do not know what is the kind of future we are heading towards. I would recommend anyone who likes to read, to get hold of the two masterpiece novels written by Yuval Harari, ‘Sapiens’ and ‘Homo Deus’, to get a broader perspective on life and human beings in particular.

Short Trip to Mumbai

Finally visited Mumbai after a gap of over a month. I have fallen in love with that city. To be honest, it is a bit of a difficult experience staying all alone, cut off from your friends and family. Yes, you do get used to it after a while, but somehow that feeling of being alone, sticks. Add to that the near absence of any hang out spots, or even proper restaurants nearby, and you get an ideal recipe for depression.

Nevertheless, this has been an experience of its own, and for the next few months will continue to be so. So it was a welcome relief to be back in Mumbai for the weekend. And luckily managed to meet quite a few friends, including Girish and Amitabha.

Yes, I finally managed to bring some of my books here. I was dying without them. And somehow, am trying to put a structure to things, and make the best of my time here. Both professionally and personally. So lot of things to do.

Though right now, I feel the charm of PS3 is fading away. I hope Metal Gear Solid 5 changes that. But the best part of being in Mumbai was to just enjoy the crowd and the food. Yes, you heard it right. I so missed the food. It is so hard getting south indian food here. Or good quality chaat. So I ate my way to glory.
Managed to catch a bad cold as well. And colds in summer are actually quite unpleasant. Oh well, I had enough of complaining. So could use this post in thanking those people who matter.

Of course, Amitabha and Girish needn’t be thanked. For we will keep bumping into each other without reason. But I would like to thank my Grow batchmates and BASF colleagues cum friends Anupama, Subodh and Shapnaa for sparing time. It is always fun hanging out with you guys. Anupama, I know you are gonna do a great job in your stint. Subodh, thanks a ton for the bike ride, in the peak summer heat. But Veg hut remains. Shapnaa, I know you love to talk, and you are pretty good at that and everything else. Keep rocking. Waseem was missed, but there is always a next time. And Swati, you better think of something fast. Everyone’s missing you as well.

Managed to catch up with Queen. A pretty good movie, but highly overhyped. Anyways, catch you all later. Adios.

Random..Again

Things I randomly think about:

1) The size of the known universe
2) Antimatter and dark matter/Negative energy
3) Extra-terrestrial life
4) Love. Duh!
5) What booze tastes like
6) Why do people dope
7) How does it feel to actually achieve Self Actualization
8) Will life’s rat race ever end?
9) Is money really that important?
10) Is having a partner that important?
11) The concept of phosphine(google it)
12) Is whatsapp and facebook an addiction?
13) Why is virginity over-rated?
14) Can Bollywood actually produce decent movies?
15) Higher end philosophical stuff
16) People who no longer matter
17) Meaning and Purpose of life
18) Futility of writing this post

A Broken Dream, a Random Soul

Dear Diary,

I am writing this to you, cause honestly, I don’t know who else to say this to. Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t that I do not have any friend or someone I can speak to. Its just that I don’t feel like sharing this with anyone. I am not sure anyone will understand either. Maybe they will think that I am just a weak person who cant deal with his own problems. Who knows, they may be right.

Sometimes, I cry to myself. May not shed tears all the time, but it is still equivalent to crying. Why do I do so, you ask? I don’t know. Or rather, I don’t know from where to begin. Maybe it has all to do with running rat races, trying to do what the society expects out of you, what your parents, friends and peers expect you to do.

I feel I am at the wrong place. With the wrong crowd. Amidst a wrong setting, and about to depart into a wrong environment. This is NOT what I wanted to do. Hence, I could never really like this place. Oh, yes, made a few friends here and there. Some of them are probably genuinely concerned about me too. But I guess I have not been a good friend to anyone. I have tons of work to do, but somehow I feel just too sad to do anything at all.

In fact, I do not belong to any group out here. I am always alone, lonely, and mostly in despair or frustration. There is no single reason for this. I know that I am an introvert. It takes me time to open up to people, and I rarely talk about myself or my feelings to anyone. Its all business and other urgent matters that people want to discuss. Somehow, I never felt like doing so. Was I wrong? Maybe. Maybe I should have been more active, more social. But I guess facebook and whatsapp took over my social life. I became a virtual identity that’s all. Maybe my true self has been lost over time.

Some people have a very high opinion of me. That I am some superb individual, a fantastic writer, and an honest, passionate, helpful person. Then there are others who consider me to be a quiet, unsocial and selfish guy. Everyone is judgmental, and everyone forms his or her opinions about everything. In spite of having so many benefits, I am still not happy. Far from it. Worse, I have no clue what to do in the future.

I have got lot of advice too, mostly from well wishers. Watch movies, listen to calm music, exercise, meditate, go for walks, read books, play games, etc. I have tried them all. And yet, this deep, never ending, storm of negative emotions simply refuses to die down.

I feel that negative emotions have overwhelmed me, to the extent that I stay insanely depressed most of the time. I feel neglected, deprived, ignored, forgotten. I feel like escapist, wanting to run away desperately, but without a clue of my destination. I have started complaining about anything and everything. I feel that nobody understands me. However, the logical part of my mind says its just the reverse. There is no point blaming others. The problem is in me, and ONLY I can solve it. God helps those who help themselves right? But how do I help myself? Nevertheless, I am still an emotional wreck. And this is also not all.

I really like her a lot, Diary. In fact, I love her. Every single second spend with her is like a magical fantasy, like a fairy tale come true. Every single ping or message of hers lits my face with joy. But I do not have the guts to tell it to her. What if she likes someone else? What if she stops talking to me? Will I be able to bear that? Why am I so afraid? And why do I feel so jealous whenever I see her talking and spending time with other guys? I keep feeling miserable every day for no reason. With this pain and gash in my heart. What do I do? I am confused. I have started finding faults in every single little thing. I have almost broken up with my first love- reading. I think I am going mad, and if I don’t do something soon, I will completely break down.

Thank you for being patient and hearing me out, diary. Alas, I have to stop for now. Cause this rat race will never end. And I do not want to inflict any pain on others. But more often than not, I end up hurting or disappointing those I love. Then, at the end of it all, I ask the same question which has been asked for centuries- ‘What is the purpose of my existence? And do I actually deserve to exist at all?’

Yours faithfully,
A broken soul

Lost in Time

Merry Xmas everyone[Yes, I know its belated]. And a Happy New Year in advance as well. I guess I will actually make a few resolutions this time, and try to stick to them, for a change. Am finally back home, after 6 months, and feeling relaxed after quite some time. Though the train journey was horrendous to say the least, with a delay of close to 20 hours, ,thanks to the fog and also a de-railment. I do not think the condition of Indian Railways will improve in my lifetime at least. And here I read another news of China flashing off 300 kmph trains over thousands of miles.

Anyways, enough of cribbing. After relishing some home made food, I met Maitreya, who is having a gala time in USA[okay, he might kill me for this], and borrowed a movie from him[Dictator]. Also saw Talaash along with him in a new theatre. The movie was below average, to say the least[Maitreya was cursing till the end, and even slept off in between].

Continuing to read lot of stuff[finished the Fountainhead and the Lost Symbol recently, the former is indeed a life changing book], including random blogs of people. Completed Hitman Absolution and Sleeping Dogs. Reading random stuff on Marketing, participating in random quizzes, sleeping, reading, eating, whatsapping, introspecting and reading some more. Its time to put the plans into motion.

MBA life is nearing its end now. Wont lie and say that I made a lot of friends, I did not. Indians should learn to be more explicit and not be diplomatic/apolitical all the time. Moreover, its also time to shed the ascribed society outlook, and give more emphasis on achievements for a change. Just because a person is from IIM A[no offense intended], doesn’t mean he is a super genius or another John Nash in the making. We keep tending to be in awe, just by hearing a person’s background or organization. I also admit that I did not make the most out of my MBA stay. I could have done many more things, but chose not to. Continued to be an introvert. Usually kept on my own. But still, tried to fulfill all my responsibilities.

I also believe that I am wasting lot of time online, either scrolling through useless stuff, or just on facebook/gtalk. I think I should actually go and have a life for a change[than being restricted online].

So what has been my impression of FMS so far? Maybe a proper post after I graduate, but yes, FMS has given me lot of opportunities which I otherwise would not have got. Am I happy? Yes. Am I satisfied with my current state? Hell No.
Guess I have a lot to change about myself. Signing off for the time being. See you all next year.

P.S.- Initially wanted to write a post like 2012- a Wonderful Year gone by, blah blah, but then, who cares really.

Some Bullet Points [in no order]: For the year Gone By

• Stayed in Mumbai for the first time[had visited it once earlier though], for my internship
• Got my first pay cheque
• Elected President of the HR Society, FMS Delhi
• Read tons of books and saw a hell lot of movies [useless point, agreed]
• Got used to Delhi traffic and the general public
• Learned to minimize expenses
• Laughed at the people who laughed at the so-called Doomsday Prophecy
• Made some new friends
• Fell for someone [yes, a crush]
• Got deeply frustrated/demoralized for a few times, and came out of it
• Suffered from several different health problems
• Became disillusioned and cut self off from the rest
• Failed in a subject [Financial Management]
• Got addicted to Whatsapp
• Handled a 4 year old kid and a 1.5 year old baby
• Completed Metal Gear Solid 3, and almost completed Final Fantasy 12
• Read the Fountainhead [finally, yeah]
• Performed in a Flash Mob [rather, several of them]
• Learned to accept what I am

Yeh Hai Delhi Meri Jaan!

Fine. Right now, am sitting on the upper berth of the Sealdah to New Delhi Rajdhani express and typing whatever comes to my mind on my Vaio. Its 9:43 pm according to my laptop’s clock, and the train is supposed to reach Delhi at 10:20 am. So I have roughly, 12 and a half hours to kill. Since I rarely ever get any sleep on overnight train journeys. I could go back to playing Angry Birds[or maybe not, am already sick of that game], or maybe listen to some songs or maybe watch a movie. Well, I saw Million Dollar Baby, and that left a bitter taste in the mouth. Don’t get me wrong, the movie is fantastic, but somehow I prefer happy endings more. I guess that’s what life is about. The ups and downs.

I was at home for a week[returned home after a 4 month stint at FMS]. And I got horribly bored. Reason being not a single friend of mine was available. Am actually glad to be returning to FMS, where I am sure there will be tons of activities to do[Our Annual Fest, Fiesta is just around the corner]. I have mentally prepared a list of To-Do’s for this semester[next 4 months]. How successful I will be is yet to be seen. For the first time in my life I shall be witnessing the dreaded Delhi winter. Need to be prepared.

I think I need to renovate and market my blog. Or maybe create a new one. I feel like writing a lot, but when it actually comes to down to sitting and typing, I somehow lose interest. Not sure why. Just two days ago, I was writing a post on love and my past/present crushes, but somehow I could not muster courage to write much about it. Hence, discarded that document. Perhaps I do not want to share my personal details with others. Nevertheless, that is a thing of the past. Now on to the future[and no, I am not sure if I will get a girlfriend here or not].

Sigh, its 9:55 pm now. I feel that the Indian Railways is one of the most poorly managed industries in India. With over 14 lakh employees, and losses amounting to thousands of crores, it could do lot to improve its image. I feel that the private sector should be allowed to step in and modernize the platforms and the carriages. There is no reason why bullet trains cannot be operated in India, and why the platforms cannot be kept clean and hygienic. Anyways, enough of complains.

Am I satisfied with the beginning of an MBA? Is my life going the way I had expected it to be? I am not sure. I have surely met lots of intelligent and capable people after coming here, and have surely got opportunities I would not have otherwise got. But, somewhere, something is missing. I do not feel that corporate life is my true calling. I will try following my passion nevertheless. Right now, am excited about my role in Tata Motors[internship starts next year-April or May].

So How is Delhi like for an outsider? Being from a small town, I find it big and overcrowded. There is too much pollution and dirt, as is common in most Indian metro cities. The crime rate is high, and corruption is rampant. Nevertheless, Delhi has lot to offer. From the historical monuments to the best educational institutes in the country. I found Delhi University to be a fascinating and worthy area to be in. It has a vibrant, student friendly atmosphere. The metro is of course, one of Delhi’s USP. Fast and convenient, it’s the preferred mode of transport for many. The food may be heavy and rich, but relished by most. Almost everyone knows at least some amount of Punjabi[many are fluent]. Delhi has a sizeable population of Sikhs, and you can find one at every corner[unlike back home]. People of all religion mix together freely, and have fun.
Yet, poverty is rampant, and I have been to a few slums. The living conditions of the people is absolutely below standard, and I was simply appalled to see their condition. 8-9 people living in one small room, which has just one light bulb, and a rusted bed[made of ropes]. No television, no bathroom, no fan, not even a ventilator. The children seemed lively and kept playing their games, unaware of the misery their parents were facing. One of the people told us that some hoodlums came every month to take money from them, under the pretext of cleaning up the place[which they never did]. I wonder what the Government is doing about it. But everyone needs to play their part.




I guess I will sign off here and try to go to sleep. Lots of things to be done, books to be read, games to be played. And yeah, am really looking forward to 2 games in particular- Elders Scroll 5: Skyrim, and Batman: Arkham City. For next year, it’s going to be Mass Effect 3 and Metal Gear Solid: Rising.

See ya folks. And keep smiling.

What is Love?

Abstract:





She was sitting just one row ahead of me. I could see her back clearly. She was wearing a purple top. Her hair was neatly tied back, and held by a black clip. She had one hand on the desk and the other clutched her brown leather bag. She was listening attentively to whatever the professor was saying. And I was watching attentively to whatever she was doing. I had eyes only for her and nothing else. Somewhere I could hear the voice of a koyel, and vividly the sound made by fluttering leaves as the wind blew by. But it was all distant. There were 20 other students inside the classroom, but I pretended as if they did not exist.

She was wearing a golden bracelet on her right hand, and had a silver watch on the left. Sometimes when she turned, I could catch glimpses of her face. It was pure natural beauty, with minimal make-up, just the sort of features I preferred. She was wearing short diamond ear-rings, with a subtle hole carved in them. The radiance of the ear-rings enhanced the brightness of her looks. Her looks displayed confidence, intelligence, and maturity. She had a spark in her, a glow which I could feel but could not describe. I had talked with her yesterday for the first time. At first I was hesitant, but I soon discovered that she was amiable and honest. She asked me about me background, my interests, my career plans. I inquired about hers. She smiled. I looked, but could not speak. My tongue would not move.

Today, she had wished me Good Morning as she entered the classroom. I mumbled something in reciprocation, but I could feel my face turning red. I lowered my gaze, unable to do anything more. 1 hour had passed since that moment. Yet I could not take my eyes off her. She removed her hair-clip, tied the hair back again[though it was quite un-necessary] and put the clip back on. I followed every hand movement of hers. Her eyes illustrated curiosity, interest, passion. But they also hinted at loneliness. Her hair basked under the sunlight, reflecting it straight at my eyes, forcing me to blink. I felt as if she needed company. Maybe the guy sitting next to her felt the same, as he touched her arm and made a funny comment[I am guessing it was funny, even though I could not hear it, as she started laughing after hearing it]. I felt a sudden twinge of jealousy. But for what? I didn’t even know her well enough.

It was evening. All the classes had ended. She was walking towards the exit. This was it. Do or die. I almost ran in order to keep up with her. I hope she did not notice that I was almost out of breath. She smiled again, and I started examining her face once more. Was I being rude? I did not know. ‘Well then, bye. Will catch up with you again later,’ she said and smiled at me.

‘I do not know if we will ever meet again but yes all the best for the future.’
She stared, apparently a bit surprised at my sudden comment. I turned and started walking. I did not look back.

I was in love.





Note: The above short story is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to any person, living or dead, is purely co-incidental and entirely un-intentional.

Updates

Updates from my side:

1. Saw I Hate Luv Storys today. Average, time pass movie. Nothing new. But enjoyed time with a great friend. :)

2. Saw two middle aged men arguing with the man selling food in the Interval Food counter. It was quite a loud argument, and at one point seemed that we would witness a free WWE Sample[okay not really]. I find it amazing how even grown up people start behaving so immaturely at times, just because they were getting a few minutes late for the movie.

3. Getting burned out from my summer training at Kolkata. Thankfully, it will be over soon.

4. Have almost completed Assassin's Creed 2, one of the few great games I have played recently. The last one was Batman: Arkham Asylum.

5. FIFA World Cup 2010 draws to a close. Final is tonight. Am supporting Netherlands though Spain look to be the favorites to hold the cup.

6. Have bought Simply Fly by Captain Gopinath. Simply amazing book. Also in line is Made in Japan by Akio Morita, and then The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell, followed by the Idea of Justice by Amartya Sen. Am booked. Phew!

7. CAT preparation going on well, though Quant is hurting me real bad. In my first real mock, I got 94 percentile[IMS Open SIMCAT 1]- With almost Zero preparation. Am confident of scoring 98+ in the future mocks. But I need to work harder in Quant.

8. Need to work on my Education research. Have to decide on my career goals and take a firm decision.

Thats it for now. Thanks to all of you who have taken the pains of going through my lengthy posts. Am immensely grateful. I hope I will keep entertaining[or boring] you in future as well. For now, Adios Amigos.

P.S.- I got Desperados 2. Its cowboy time, baby! Bang!

25 Random Facts About Myself

Personal:

Well, I will do a detailed character sketch of myself, sometime in future. For the present however, am copying a concept popular amongst bloggers. The topic is ’25 Random things about Myself.’ All right, it need not be 25, but I decided on saying 25 for now. May write more such facts later.

All the facts written below are true to the best of my knowledge. And no, I did not take a Polygraph test for them.

So, I begin. Here they are, in no particular order or hierarchy:

1) I do NOT believe in Love.
Don’t ask me why. I believe that true love is either very rare, or non-existent.

2) I simply love South Indian food ,especially Idli and Dosa.

3) Red is my most favorite color. Ironically I once suffered from severe haemophobia or fear of blood.

4) I am a monotheist. I believe in the presence of One God, One Universal Power that controls our living.

5) I detest crowd and over-crowded places.

6) I do not believe in marriage. I think marriage without love is meaningless.

7) I do not believe in numerology or astrology. I believe that man builds his own future and destiny, on which stars have no role to play. [Recollect Mithun’s dialogue from CC2C: ‘Man’s fate lies not in this(points to his own hand lines), but in this’: clenches his fist. ]

8) I love playing RPG(Role Playing) games. I like to live in a world of fantasy, and I believe that my imagination knows almost no bounds.

9) I scarcely if ever, trust others. I have been betrayed by my best friends in the past, whom I trusted blindly.

10) I have very few real friends. Most are fake, and come to me whenever they need something.

11) I am a kind of a reticent person. Some people also call me an introvert. However, I can also go on talking if I am in the mood.

12) I am altruistic. I like helping others.

13) I am a very good flirt (Try me). Though of late, I have stopped flirting. May resume in future.

14) I have never, till date sweared at any person. In fact, I have never used(spoken or written) a serious slang(I dont consider 'damn, crap' etc as slangs) anywhere, anytime, anyplace. I maintain this as a rule.

15) I abhor smoking and drinking. I believe the world will be a much better place to live in, minus alcohol and tobacco.

16) I am a total bookworm. I cant stay 30 minutes without reading something (books, magazines, newspapers, whatever).

17) My most favorite author is the late Michael Crichton.

18) My most favorite actor of all times is Akshay Kumar.

19) I love watching Hollywood action movies, especially the ones featuring Arnold S. The Terminator series (minus T4) is one of my favs.

20) Of late, I have become emotionless. External events hardly affect me from the inside.

21) My biggest idols are Uchiha Itachi from Naruto, and Kuchiki Byakuya from Bleach. For those who don’t know, they are animation characters.

22) I do NOT believe that in order to be successful in life, one must follow the ‘Btech+MBA’ path. Though most people in India follow this almost like a law.

23) I respect the truth. I find it quite difficult(though certainly not impossible) to lie to others.

24) I believe that attaining true knowledge, is more important than running after marks, degrees, or even money.

25) I have a deadly fascination for swords of different types, shapes and sizes. I will purchase a few in future. (Maybe from Japan, whose Samurai’s and Ninjas belter my imagination).

That’s all from now folks. See ya soon. Take care..