I am a Feminist, and why you should be one too

Okay, to be honest, this post is not about Describing or explaining Feminism, or about bashing pseudo feminists. Lot of people have already done both in the past. I am simply trying to put into words the reason for me being a feminist. Do note that I shall mainly be focussing on the Indian context only, as I have little or no experience of Feminism views outside the country.

In the past few years, Feminism as a principle has been bashed almost unequivocally throughout the country. By media, journalists, politicians, social activists, college students, working professionals, the common man, and so on. It has almost become a fad of sorts- If you are a feminist, you should be treated akin a criminal. How dare you even think of supporting women, who have just no other work than to surpass men and disparage their efforts in every possible way. How can you be so blinded by their hogwash? Can’t you see they are just trying to dominate, and make lives miserable for men? Girls are asking men to stand up for a reserved seat in a bus or a train. That is just beyond criminal. How can we think of reserving seats for them in the Parliament or in top Business schools such as IIMs? How can women claim to be equal to men and then ask for reservation? Isn’t it the height of hypocrisy? How can a girl log onto a dating app as Tinder and claim she does not want to ‘Hook up’. Isn’t that criminal?

I think you get the idea. Female bashing has become the new trend. Shortly after the New Year incident in Bangalore (Sexual Harassment of hundreds of women), a new Hash Tag was born- #NotAllMen. Of course the men had to stand up for this shocking incident. By proudly proclaiming that Not all men were rapists or molesters. That there are many good men like ‘them’ in the world as well. How dare the women say that all men are criminals (its unsure who and where said that though). More and more men were coming forward and bravely posting their comments on Social Media, as to remind everyone(especially women) that Not all men were bad, not all men were sexually harassing others. That is such a noble thing to do, isn’t it? [Note- Heavy Usage of Sarcasm, and if you could not get it, then bless you]

A few days ago, I read a comment on Quora [A Popular website on writing Questions and Answers or General topics] in which a girl had mentioned that she is Proud not to be a Feminist, as she believes Males should get equal rights as Women. Reading that statement actually sent me into a state of shock. Here is the Dictionary Meaning of Feminism, just to get it clear:-

-‘The theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes’- Webster
-‘The advocacy of women's rights on the ground of the equality of the sexes’- Oxford
-‘Feminism is a range of political movements, ideologies, and social movements that share a common goal: to define, establish, and achieve political, economic, personal, and social rights for women.’- Wikipedia

If you go through any of the above meanings, it becomes apparent that nowhere Feminism endorses the denigration of rights for men. It is really unfortunate that many people, even now, feel that feminists try to belittle men and criticise them for anything and everything. Most of these people have not read about the history and the past, where women have struggled for even basic rights. They did not have the right to vote, the right to live an independent life, or even the freedom to marry someone of their own choice,or to have legal and social equality. I would recommend everyone to read about the three different waves of Feminism, and more on the History of the past few hundred years before jumping to any conclusion.

I first heard of the term when I was in school, maybe in Standard 9 or 10. One of my schoolmates told me that he considered himself to be a ‘Feminist.’ He tried to explain to me what it was, but at that time, I could not really comprehend what it was all about. But what I did notice is that lot of males shy away from using the term to describe themselves, even if they believe in equal rights for men and women. Some of them think the term ‘feminist’ is too effeminate. It will make them look unmanly if they start calling themselves a Feminist. Others think that one can only be a Feminist, if he or she attends Protests or Demonstrations holding Placards and Charts advocating women rights, shouting at the top of their voices. Hence it is highly probable that if you ask a person, especially a male, if he is a feminist, he will answer in the negative. Fortunately, over a period of time, I learnt that gender discrimination is wrong. Girls have just as much of a right to education and a decent living as boys do. It is high time that men learnt to keep their (gender) superiority complex in check.

Lot of men write that Women abuse lot of laws to their advantage. A notable example being the infamous Sec 498A in the Indian Penal Code, which has been misused by several women to imprison their husbands or his relatives, on the pretext of harassment, and to get hold of his property/money. Or maybe the law on Adultery (Sec 497), which is currently biased in favour of women. While it may be definitely true that women might have used the law to their advantage, but the fact is that Both men and women use the law to their advantage. It would be extremely unwise to focus on one aspect and ignore the other. If there are laws which (presumably) favour women, then there are many laws which favour men too. We still do not have a concrete stand on Marital Rape or even Domestic Abuse, which is prevalent throughout the country, and almost all the victims being women. The majority of victims of sexual harassment continue to be women, and there appears to be little improvement in this regard. We continue to bash the victim with an archaic mindset(blaming her clothing, her upbringing, her nature and everything else except for blaming the criminal). This is a typical drawback of a highly Patriarchal society such as India.

Hence the call of the day, is that we need more Feminists. We need them to come forward and promote the cause of Equality, while supporting social, judicial, economical and legal rights for women. And we definitely do NOT need more men reminding us that they have never harassed a girl and how proud they are of themselves for doing so(almost as if it is an achievement- ‘not to molest’). If you are a man, I would just ask you to put yourself in the shoes of a woman for just a few minutes. You might perhaps understand, that women are judged every single day. For their looks, for their behavior, for their basic actions. We live in a society where women have to be on their toes throughout, in fear of being attacked or harassed(physical, mental, emotional, anything).

Let us come forward and do our best to make our society a better place for women. There is lots to be done.

Calling All MCPs

Earlier, I had ranted against male chauvinism in one of my previous posts. I will continue the same topic here.

Why is it that, in spite of the several atrocities committed against females, we still continue to give them advice on what to wear, where to go, where not to go, who to bring along, be careful while drinking at parties, avoid certain areas, don’t talk to strangers, basically curtail every form of individual freedom. This is the effect of the patriarchal society we live in. We still blame the girl for whatever happened.

So, in this post, I will rather give certain pointers to all those males who consider themselves superior to women, and keep giving them special advice[Sample-‘Avoid wearing short clothes. Don’t hold hands with guys in public. Avoid wearing jeans. Don’t put make up. Don’t carry mobile phones. Don’t go to pubs. Don’t step out of your house post 8 pm. Don’t have sex before marriage else you will be punished(or worse, hanged). Don’t make eye contact with people who eve-tease you. And so on]

To All MCP’s:

1) Don’t keep staring at girls. It makes them highly uncomfortable, and is considered an offensive behaviour. No matter how pretty that girl may be.

2) Most girls will NOT dress to impress guys. They dress the way they want because it makes them feel good about themselves. Just because she is wearing shorts does not mean she wants you to admire her body. It does not give you any license to comment or leer. And it certainly does NOT mean that she is a girl with low morals.

3) Trying to touch a girl without her permission, especially in a crowded place like a bus, is a criminal offence, a highly derogatory act and can even land you in prison. Do NOT try it unless you want to waste away your life. Maintain a safe distance.

4) Same goes for making any sort of insulting comments, whistling, ogling, at girls when they pass by. You will definitely not understand the trauma which a girl has to go through every single day, passing dozens of such guys.

5) Avoid making negative comments even if the girl cannot hear you. Several times I have noticed guys talking about certain girls in their own groups, and most of the time it’s about her body(in a derogatory sense of course). Learn to respect women as your equals, as your fellow human beings. They are NOT objects of desire for you to play with.

6) Just because a girl drinks, has male friends who she hangs out with, goes to pubs and parties, does NOT make her a person with no morals, or in extreme words, a ‘whore’. And it also does NOT mean she is inviting you to bed her. Learn to respect her boundaries, without objecting to her personal choices.

7) Flirting, although not really a crime, should be avoided if the girl is feeling uncomfortable. Learn to respect her privacy and treat her just like you would want yourself to be treated. If you really like a girl, just tell her directly, instead of trying to stalk her or threaten her.

8) Do NOT share any form of adult jokes or pictures/content with a girl, unless you are absolutely sure she will not object to it. This can otherwise lead to sexual harassment.

9) If a girl says NO, she means NO, not Yes. She is NEVER asking for it. If you still insist, it is you who is in the wrong.

10) It is not unnatural to be sexually attracted to a woman. Nevertheless, you are a homo sapien and you have the ability to make intelligent choices, including the power of restraint. Your conscience will tell you what the right thing to do is.

11) Learn to accept rejection. Becoming frustrated and trying to take revenge on a girl just because she rejected you, is a highly offensive act, a misplaced display of your male ego. It will only lead you to trouble. Not to mention the immorality behind it.

12) Lastly, NEVER blame a girl, if she has been an unfortunate victim of an incident. She is already going through hell, and the last thing she wants is to be told that she deserved it. Rather, try to catch the REAL criminal behind the act.

We have to inculcate a culture of gender sensitivity into our children, so that they grow up to be responsible adults. Healthy interaction between boys and girls from an early age is essential. So is sex education in schools. Boys have to learn not to treat girls as objects, but as human beings. Girls are not meant to be dominated or forced into submission. They are meant to be empowered and encouraged to lead an independent life of their own.

Woman?

All right, tomorrow we are celebrating both Holi and Women’s day. Two great occasions packed into one. I am pretty sure all of you must be having fun on Holi[if you are lucky, you shall be able to avoid water balloons and other types of unpleasant surprises- such as a bucket of egg yolk, mud and grease dropped on your head], but it’s the other occasion which goes largely ignored. Women’s day. Of what meaning is it to us nowadays? Not much, one could say. We invite a few prominent female speakers to give lectures on gender sensitive topics, and encourage female emancipation and greater participation in corporate. We speak about banning female infanticide, dowry, and make sure we punish rapists and molesters so that our country becomes a better place to live in for women. We speak about greater female participation in higher management areas, and increasing number of women taking admission into post-graduate courses and stepping out of their comfort zone to make ends meet.

Could then, someone please explain to me why one woman is raped every minute in India? Why millions of women are still caught into sex trafficking, and minors exploited on a daily basis? Why are women regularly beaten, burned and murdered, without people even batting so much as an eye-lid? Why are women always blamed whenever they are victims of a crime? Why do we always find fault with the way a woman dresses or speaks or works? Why is a woman usually considered inferior to a man? Why is the sex ratio in India so poor, and becoming worse by each day? These are some of the questions we need to ask ourselves.

I think the basic problem still lies in our mindset. Women have traditionally been oppressed for long, and looked down upon. We[the men] still cannot come to terms with the fact that a woman is capable of besting a man in work, can seek professional and personal independence, choose her own partner, be candid about sex, seek self actualization without the support of a man. So if you see a good looking woman walking down the street at night, wearing a short dress, then you must teach her a lesson that she will never forget. How dare she do something like that? How dare she go to pubs, parties, dance and have drinks? That too with male friends? She deserves to be raped. [I don’t think I need to give the examples of the recent rape cases(Kolkata or Noida). Its self evident] We do not have places for such women in our society. Women should not be allowed to take their own decisions. After all, we men are superior, physically and mentally. If a girl from our family marries someone from a different caste or religion, then she must be deemed impure and either ostracized or killed[of course it’s a question of preserving family honour]. It does not matter if we men don’t wear any clothes, pee regularly on the streets, whistle and use slangs on passerbys, smoke and drink and then get into fights, but a woman should never wear short skirts, always cover herself, and yet respond to our calls whenever we need them. Of course if they will refuse, we will beat them and rape them, since they deserved it for being rude to us.

Public transports are our birthright. Women should respect our rules or not use them. So if they do dare to board a bus, or the metro, they should be aware that we will leer at them, stare at them to the point of making them uncomfortable, pass lewd remarks, and occasionally try to touch them. Of course if they resist, they will be shouted at, or beaten up for resisting. For if they did not want physical contact, why on earth did they decide to use public transport? They should have resorted to a private cab in that case. Woman’s compartment? What is that? Don’t make us laugh. We should men not be allowed in such compartments? What do you mean by seats reserved for women? All this is a blasphemy, used to belittle men.

Of course we do not want any female daughters. How on earth are supposed to take care of their expenses? So we decide to finish them off while they aren’t even born. Technology has its uses right? But of course, we are the most hypocritical people in the world, so we want the best wives for our sons. Never mind the fact that we murder our own daughters. Women should not think of making their own decisions, definitely not related to marriage or relationships. They will only accept the boys which we decide are best for them.

Of course, the woman should be grateful to the person who is marrying her. Naturally, it becomes her duty to give his family considerable sums of gifts[read-dowry], submit to all his desires, and accept punishment[read-torture] when it is given due. No matter, domestic violence is so common and suicides have become even more frequent. But why should we men care? We can re-marry as often we like. But we will raise eyebrows if a woman thinks of doing a same. After all, she is being greedy and selfish.

Career? What a joke. Women should concentrate on taking care of her husband and family. What is the need for women to rise to higher positions? What will they do by managing teams? Isnt it enough that we are letting them study in co-ed colleges, where there is even a chance of them becoming impure[read-losing their virginity]. Thus, a woman should compromise on her career and make sure that her husband is happy.

Just to conclude, the above statements are a reflection of the actual state of our society. I know the text is heavy on sarcasm, but the objective is female liberalization. I do hope that the situation will improve in the country, and we will continue to have outstanding female leaders and decision makers. Till then, take care, happy holi and happy women’s day.