Friday, February 4, 2011

Its Her Fault. She was wearing Indecent Clothes!


I was reading this article on yahoo,check Here , and the comments which followed it. Apparently a Principal of a college asked a girl to pull down the zipper of her pullover to show her T-shirt. That was ostensibly done to check if the girl was wearing an indecent dress or not, and whether she deserved punishment for it. Many people supported the action of the principal, saying that girls should not wear provocative dresses to college, as it is responsible for corrupting the society, and that it instigates men to carry out nefarious tasks[read- Sexual assault].

Okay, my point is, no matter what kind of clothes a girl wears, what right do you[any male] have to tell her to unzip her pullover[or any other dress] and show you what lies underneath, etc. If majority of the people are offended by someones clothing, then he/she should be told explicitly that a dressing code needs to be followed, irrespective of the gender of the person. Why single out girls alone?

We live in a Male-dominated society, there is no doubt about that. Men are supposed to dictate the rules, and women are supposed to follow them with unquestionable obedience. If such a thing does not happen, the man gets angered, and with an injured ego, does his level best to take revenge[ Read- Honour Killing, Rape, Molestation(especially when his advances are spurned), Kidnapping, Murder, Domestic Violence- say on refusal to give dowry, Other Crimes, etc]. If a girl gets raped, its her fault for wearing provocative dresses and wandering alone at night. If a girl gets molested or beaten up, its her fault for not responding to the advances made by hoodlums. If a girl marries someone against the wishes of her relatives, she is ostracized and treated as an outcast, as a disgrace on the family. If a girl[or her family] is unable to provide sufficient amount of dowry, she is subjected to domestic violence. And the in-laws justify it by saying-'Un logo ne hamari Demand poori nahi ki'





In todays world, the situation has improved somewhat. Women are becoming independent, leading teams, becoming managers in famous organizations, etc. However crime against women has not subsidized. Sexual harassment cases[in workplaces] are on the rise. Most men still cannot accept women as their equal. They want to dominate over them and make them do what they wish.

People try to justify their horrendous act[say molestation or sexual assault] by saying that the girl wasnt dressed appropriately. This is ridiculous. No matter what kind of dress a girl wears, who on earth has given you the license to go and exploit a woman? Its almost as if wearing such clothes unleashes such an irresistible lecherous urge in men, coupled with lust, that they cannot stop themselves. Its true that Indian society is still mostly conservative in the sense that people tend to feel uncomfortable if they see girls wearing a skimpy outfit, or tight-fitting clothes, etc. But you have the choice of not looking at them, going away from the place if you wish. Or if its a public gathering, and you and your are feeling extremely uncomfortable, just go and tell them what you feel. But theres absolutely no excuse for molesting or mistreating women on account of their clothing.

With advent of westernization, Indian people are doing their best when it comes to imitation. Women walking in bikinis may be an ordinary sight in America or Brazil, but may flabbergast Indian people[especially middle aged or above]. Moreover, Indian men are known to be lewd, they love staring at women and passing comments, whistling, etc. Most people act as if that is normal. 'Arrey, jawan ladka hai. Abhi hi to umar hai yeh sab karne ki,' is a common reply. Aur jab woh jawan ladka koi kharab harkat kare, then its all the fault of girls who are asking for trouble by trying to be independent. 'Usko ghar se bahar jaane ko kisni kaha tha? She deserved it.' Such outdated mentality has no place in the current civilized society.

In ancient Greece and Rome, rape was legal. And the woman who got raped was considered to be a criminal and punished. Sometimes even burnt to death. In present day India, most rape victims are considered as a black spot in society, and are further harassed by the police, if they are bold enough to file a report. Most cases are never reported, and if they are, the criminal manages to escape by paying a paltry fine. In rare cases do criminals serve out an entire rape sentence[that too of a mere 7 years]. There have been instances of criminals raping the same woman again after getting out of prison. Where are we headed? If we have such a defunct law, how can we think of handling justice? Most rapes occur because the rapist is confident that he can get away with it.



If you see a woman in a skimpy outfit[or any outfit for that matter], and you cannot control your impulses, and you assault her, then you are a certified criminal. There can be no excuse for your immoral behavior. Let women wear whatever they are comfortable in. It is you[read-man] who needs to control your emotions. For a second think the reverse. Assume that a man is walking topless in the street. Do you expect every girl to jump and pounce on him? Even if they did, would you say that it is the fault of the man for not wearing proper clothes? So why should you blame a girl for what she wears[or does not wear]? When a girl says No, she MEANS NO. Do not take that NO for a Yes, that she is inviting you to violate her. True, the society is heavily tilted in favor of males. But that does not mean we should not opt for equality.

If you think that I am exaggerating too much, then feel free to read this News-18 Year Old Girl burned to death for defying rape.. Maybe then your viewpoint will change.

We men[that includes me] should learn to give women the respect they deserve. We should learn to appreciate the work they do, the decisions they make. For a developing and progressing country, we need to shed our archaic outlook, and move ahead. For a better India and a better world. Lets join our hands together in Fighting Crimes against Women.

17 comments:

Anwesa said...

A good post here.

**Assume that a man is walking topless in the street. Do you expect every girl to jump and pounce on him ?

People who think it all lies in a "dress", think about this.

Eve-teasing( or other kind of similar behaviour ) is largely a feature of semi-urban areas. And I can vouchsafe that all the assaulted women there are fully clad with the "dupatta in place".Even girls in school uniforms are not spared.They are advised to "ignore" the advances. Mostly it does not work. Fighting back works. Ignorance is not always bliss.

The problem is not with clothes, it is with minds.

Sourav said...

Hard hitting post. Each action counts; your post was good enough to raise few points in this male dominated society. Sharing this!

Awesome post and well written!

Satwinder Singh said...

@Anwesa: Agreed fully with your comment. Maybe largely semi-urban, but certainly not restricted to that alone. Yes, its a problem with mind and male chauvinistic attitude.

Sakshi Mathur said...

Have to agree with you.
Also to add... this kind of checking by singling out one shows the infected mind of the head. If he was a good "manager", he would have been smart enough to avoid coming into the news and yet put a check on students.

Be it Man-dominated society or not when a girl chooses a outfit she chooses a outlook.

Neha said...

Well said Satwinder ... A lot of men think it is perfectly justified of them dictating dress code to women because they feel that the lustful and lecherous feelings that they get on seeing a skimpily dressed woman are part of their being men and so can't help it .... Go get a life ... (men) !!! There's a college in nagpur where the boys complained to the authorities that they cannot concentrate on studies because of girls wearing fashionable clothes.. RESULT: the administration imposed a strict dress code on girls .. only salwar kameez .. not even a simple jeans n t-shirt .. !!!! Outrageous .!!! God plz put some sense in them !!

Motifs said...

I am so happy to read this, Satwinder...finally people like you have started thinking in such a positive manner....my sincere congratulations to you...

Satwinder Singh said...

@Sakshi: Exactly, and that outlook may not go along with most men.

@Neha: Thats true for many colleges across India. I recollect the case[forgot the name of the college] where a female teacher was suspended for not wearing a sari. This is just pure discrimination based on sex.

@Motifs: I hope that in future men will indeed start considering women as their equal. :) Thank you for your comment.

nandini said...

If every man were like u!!!

Rohan said...

I wish those lecherous insignificant bigots read such posts.
One solution on a lighter note could be to open brothels and legalize prostitution.

Satwinder Singh said...

@Rohan: I will take that in a lighter note. :D

However some countries such as Germany have legalized prostitution to good effect.

Priyashmita said...

Very true and very insightful. Thanks for recommending a read

sulekkha said...

I agree with you Satwinder and we should learn to live and let live, be it a male or a female. Blaming a girl's clothes for their repulsive acts shows their dirty thinking and twisted mentalities. Great post.
I had written a about Rape in my article ,last month,"Why women are the stronger sex", read it sometime.

JIM said...

This is one of those post that should not have to be written but unfortunately still needs to be. Imagine that anywhere in this world today we need to explain that rape is not someone's right. That there is no excuse for it and that the women is not "asking for it". Thank you for keeping the light shining on it.

Debbie said...

The principle, he had no right to ask the student to unzip her sweater, it's clear she had it zipped for a reason.

This subject is definitely a touchy one, thanks for sharing.

rimly said...

It reminded me of the movie The Accused. It is so unfair.

Pranav..... said...

Satwinder!

Your post was really refreshing. I know such hypocrite men who will lech like ass***** at women on the street, but scream at their sisters for wearing tight jeans.

But in some parts of India more than the others, you find a basic orthodxy and inhumaneness in the way women are perceived. I would not like to name one such place but it is a very big city. Many people there harass women who speak English, who look sophisticated, or who try to join in a conversation involving men. I have even seen women being harassed because they seem to be playing some sport rather well. Men gather around and hoot like you wouldn't believe.

In places like Mumbai, sexual harassment is not so prounounced as it is in some other cities. But backward mentality is all pervasive in all cities, so pervasive that sometimes even women think that they have a duty to be subordinate to men.

So it's much more about the basic mentality w.r.t. women than about dressing sense and sexual urge. 20 years of liberalization and we have embraced pubbing and social networking and suchlike, but our attitudes towards women - such a fundamentally vital measure of society - are still horribly backward.

Pitchai said...

Excellent comments..!!!!
I completly agree with everyone who posted in this article.

But its just the safety of your loved ones..I cant allow my sister to go alone for a walk at night 1:00 AM rather I will join her. But if same my brother wants to do I may to not stop him. I hope everyone who commented in this article will agree to this..I dont think this is Mail-Domination. Its safety..as we all know for man its just life but for woman its not just life..

I make sure that the doors are locked before I leave from home...its safety.
I cannot ask the system who on earth has given the license to rob..

Jim, Debbie, Rimly, Pranav and all others..please dont mistake me..I am not supporting the principal.
Everyone of you have blamed the society to the core...but who is the society..its not just me and you...
When you know that outside world is not that safe then why giving chance..and later ask for licensed....

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