Forgotten the Pursuit of Happiness?

Happiness comes to those who ask for it. Or those who deserve it. Is that really true? What does it take for a person to be really happy? Is it having friends and family around you? As a collectivist society such as India would believe. Or is it the determination and ambition to pursue your goals and dreams, and the feeling you get during the process is a combination of happiness and other emotions.

Does money lead to happiness? There is still sufficient doubt for this statement, but obviously those who do not even have sufficient money to eat three meals a day would probably be more unhappy than happy. Nevertheless there are lot of rich and unhappy guys out there too. Man’s demands are endless. We will continue to desire, and the vast majority of us will be stuck somewhere in the 2nd or 3rd layer of Maslow’s Pyramid.

But assuming that we are earning decently for a living, and yet we would like to do something which would make us happy. What should that something be? Obviously it would be different for each individual. A guitarist can be happy just playing on his guitar for hours. A tennis player will be happy if he manages to outlast a tough opponent. A Sales guy would be happy if he or she manages to reach the targets within time. A mother can be happy just feeding her child. A beggar might feel happy counting the stars in the night sky.

So where does motivation come in? And how difficult is it to stay self motivated all the time? Pretty difficult, especially if you are caught in a work environment you do not like. And this is true not just of corporate professionals but any human being. You can be a peon, but you can be the best in what you do. That is what most of us aspire to become. Better individuals, better earners and better contributors to the society, and hence, ourselves.

But why is it that most of us complain at some time or the other, of being frustrated, bored, depressed, sad, lonely, clueless, stuck in time, stagnated, angry, and a million other negative emotions. The biggest negative emotions arrive, when we feel the feeling of despair and helplessness. As Daniel Goleman explains in his book, Emotional Intelligence, it’s the frustration which builds up and causes worry, when a person is unable to resolve his problem or decide a particular course of action, which inevitably leads to a feeling of helplessness. This cycle continues, and in the long term can also result in bodily harm, plus in extreme cases, a mental breakdown.

Ideally, in order to be happy and possess a high EQ, we should learn to empathize with others. Which is much more easier said than done. Most of us are so caught up in our day to day activities, that just spending a few minutes doing something extra seems like a waste of time. The easiest thing to do in the world is blame someone else for the troubles you are in. The hardest thing to do, is to supress your ego and put yourself in that person’s shoes to understand the other point of view.

The first step in conquering negative emotions is ‘Awareness’. People with a better EQ, usually are able to identify when they are experiencing negative emotions. As a result, they are better equipped to identify the problem, and hence prevent a negative situation from escalating. Contrary to popular belief, raising your voice, venting out your anger does not make you feel better. It makes you feel worse. But we do not realize it, simply because of the activated hormones, which give us a feeling similar to adrenaline. So basically, we think that we are feeling better, but actually its detrimental(similar to drugs or alcohol).

Most of us like to stick to the area of our comfort zone. But going outside it, and experiencing new things(including failure), will actually lead us one step closer towards Self Actualization. So will restraint. By restraint, I mean stopping yourself from giving in to temptation. Whether it be of a particular junk food, or alcohol, or even for purchasing an expensive item which will probably of no use later. Practicing restraint is a very important tool for achieving happiness.

Of course, many people will want to know the co-relation between love and happiness. That I will leave for another post. Not that I am an expert on that issue, but as always I can provide my personal views on the same. But the picture put in this post basically says it all-'You are responsible for your own happiness.' Nobody else is going to come and make you happy. Deal with it. That does not mean you cut yourself out from everyone. It just means that you have to figure out where the problem(if any) lies.

Finally, after a while, I feel I have written a slightly better post(most of my recent posts were minor ‘About-Me-Written-In-A-Poor-Style’ sort of entries). This one, I took some time to finish. All comments are welcome. Catch you soon.

Why Me?

Why me? I can bet that you have at least once in your lifetime uttered those two words. Isnt it? Personally, I have done so dozens of times. The question is usually asked to God, though sometimes it can be asked to our friends, or maybe even ourselves. And in almost all cases, we ask that question when something tragic happens to us.

Your girlfriend ditched you recently. You could not believe it[or still cant]. You went into a state of shock. You were the best guy for her, you were confident about that. You did everything you could to please her, you both her innumerable gifts, yet that ungrateful creature left you. ‘Why me?’, you ask in a sorrow tone.

You are struck with a deadly disease, dengue, cholera, cancer, etc. You were perfectly fit earlier, and used to exercise daily and follow a healthy diet. Then why did you catch such a disease? ‘Why me?’, you sob as you lie in your bed. ‘What did I do wrong, God? What did I do to deserve this misery? Look at my friend. He has a beautiful girlfriend and a wonderful physique. Why then am I lying in the bed with no one by my side?’

You are participating in a race. ‘This is your golden chance to prove that you are the best’, you say to yourself. You struggle to reach the finish line. Out of nowhere your competitor nudges past you and snatches victory. Worse, you come in Fourth position. The guy who overtook you smiles as he gets the medal, and you are left snarling with fury, restless and out of breath. ‘Why me, damn it? How come I don’t win anything even after keeping the lead for most part of the race?’

CAT results are declared. Furiously you open the website, and enter your roll number. Your heart is in your throat. Your fingers are trembling. And finally you get the message on the screen-‘Your percentile is 98.97. You have not got any calls from any IIMs[Not Verbatim obviously]’ Immediately you feel as if someone has stabbed you in the heart[or in the throat since your heart is stuck there].
Instantly you call up your friend to tell him your score. ‘Oh, that’s good he says. I have got calls from IIM A,B,C,……’ Talk about disappointment. You bang your head on the desk in frustration and remark-‘Why me? I prepared so hard for this for 2 years, and I still didn’t make it, whereas my friend hardly ever studied but got a better score.’

Do the above 4 examples sound familiar to events which may have occurred in your life? You can take countless other instances when you are forced to question yourself- ‘Why me? Why not someone else? What did I do wrong?’ But have you ever tried to find the answer? Most probably not. If you ask me, the answer is simple enough- IT ISNT JUST YOU. It happens to everyone. The thing is, you are probably too occupied with your personal life to notice it. We get envious of others when we see them happy, enjoying and having fun. We feel that our life is full of misery and they have everything. That’s a farfetched thought. Rather the truth is that you are possibly pessimistic and that person is optimistic.

Bad things happen to everyone, good and bad alike [and NO, they do NOT happen to Good people only, as is widely claimed]. It’s our attitude which defines how we deal with tragedies and come out of them. You have two options- cry and moan over the misfortunes that befell you, or accept the reality, move forward, and work harder to come out of the crisis. But the unfortunate thing is that Most humans do not deal with pleasure and pain alike. We welcome good things/events with open arms and enjoy as long as the day is bright. The moment something bad happens, ,we start complaining and crying that things are never right with us. Have we ever taken a moment to thank God for all that He has given us, instead of lambasting Him when problems surround us? When a famous sportsperson was asked- ‘Isnt it unfortunate that you have got cancer? Don’t you ask yourself- Why Me?’ To which the guy replied-‘No I don’t. When I won the World Championship and lifted the Trophy high in the air, did I at that time ask God- Why Me? Why not someone else?’ Those were the words of a true champion. When we get good things, do we ever question God/or to ourselves-‘Why me? What did I do to deserve this happiness?’ No we don’t. We simply take it for granted. The questioning starts when we land in trouble.

Coming back to those 4 examples, did those 4 guys ask the same question when : i) The guy was enjoying with his girlfriend ii)The person was healthy iii) The guy won a race in the past iv) Why did I get a higher score than 98.97 percent of the people? No, they did not.

I believe in the principle of Yin and Yang, Equivalent Exchange[made popular by the highly renowned anime cum manga Full Metal Alchemist], or the theory ‘that s used to describe how polar or seemingly contrary forces are interconnected and interdependent in the natural world, and how they give rise to each other in turn’[Source- Wikipedia]. Light and Darkness, Male and Female, Sky and Earth, Hot and Cold, and so on. Same is the case for pleasure and pain. So instead of accepting one and disowning the other, we should learn to endure both.

Thanks for reading folks. Have a nice day.