Calling All MCPs

Earlier, I had ranted against male chauvinism in one of my previous posts. I will continue the same topic here.

Why is it that, in spite of the several atrocities committed against females, we still continue to give them advice on what to wear, where to go, where not to go, who to bring along, be careful while drinking at parties, avoid certain areas, don’t talk to strangers, basically curtail every form of individual freedom. This is the effect of the patriarchal society we live in. We still blame the girl for whatever happened.

So, in this post, I will rather give certain pointers to all those males who consider themselves superior to women, and keep giving them special advice[Sample-‘Avoid wearing short clothes. Don’t hold hands with guys in public. Avoid wearing jeans. Don’t put make up. Don’t carry mobile phones. Don’t go to pubs. Don’t step out of your house post 8 pm. Don’t have sex before marriage else you will be punished(or worse, hanged). Don’t make eye contact with people who eve-tease you. And so on]

To All MCP’s:

1) Don’t keep staring at girls. It makes them highly uncomfortable, and is considered an offensive behaviour. No matter how pretty that girl may be.

2) Most girls will NOT dress to impress guys. They dress the way they want because it makes them feel good about themselves. Just because she is wearing shorts does not mean she wants you to admire her body. It does not give you any license to comment or leer. And it certainly does NOT mean that she is a girl with low morals.

3) Trying to touch a girl without her permission, especially in a crowded place like a bus, is a criminal offence, a highly derogatory act and can even land you in prison. Do NOT try it unless you want to waste away your life. Maintain a safe distance.

4) Same goes for making any sort of insulting comments, whistling, ogling, at girls when they pass by. You will definitely not understand the trauma which a girl has to go through every single day, passing dozens of such guys.

5) Avoid making negative comments even if the girl cannot hear you. Several times I have noticed guys talking about certain girls in their own groups, and most of the time it’s about her body(in a derogatory sense of course). Learn to respect women as your equals, as your fellow human beings. They are NOT objects of desire for you to play with.

6) Just because a girl drinks, has male friends who she hangs out with, goes to pubs and parties, does NOT make her a person with no morals, or in extreme words, a ‘whore’. And it also does NOT mean she is inviting you to bed her. Learn to respect her boundaries, without objecting to her personal choices.

7) Flirting, although not really a crime, should be avoided if the girl is feeling uncomfortable. Learn to respect her privacy and treat her just like you would want yourself to be treated. If you really like a girl, just tell her directly, instead of trying to stalk her or threaten her.

8) Do NOT share any form of adult jokes or pictures/content with a girl, unless you are absolutely sure she will not object to it. This can otherwise lead to sexual harassment.

9) If a girl says NO, she means NO, not Yes. She is NEVER asking for it. If you still insist, it is you who is in the wrong.

10) It is not unnatural to be sexually attracted to a woman. Nevertheless, you are a homo sapien and you have the ability to make intelligent choices, including the power of restraint. Your conscience will tell you what the right thing to do is.

11) Learn to accept rejection. Becoming frustrated and trying to take revenge on a girl just because she rejected you, is a highly offensive act, a misplaced display of your male ego. It will only lead you to trouble. Not to mention the immorality behind it.

12) Lastly, NEVER blame a girl, if she has been an unfortunate victim of an incident. She is already going through hell, and the last thing she wants is to be told that she deserved it. Rather, try to catch the REAL criminal behind the act.

We have to inculcate a culture of gender sensitivity into our children, so that they grow up to be responsible adults. Healthy interaction between boys and girls from an early age is essential. So is sex education in schools. Boys have to learn not to treat girls as objects, but as human beings. Girls are not meant to be dominated or forced into submission. They are meant to be empowered and encouraged to lead an independent life of their own.

Of Dating, Booze and More!

The first post of the new year. So let me handle two topics which lot of people ask me: i) Boozing, and ii) Dating/Relationships

i) Why am I a teetotaller? That too, being a Sardar.

First of all, there are quite a few other Sardars/Sikhs who do not drink as well. Generalization and stereotyping does not help. Many people ask me why I do not drink. Or party. One guy even asked me this: ‘You do not smoke. You do not drink. How do you enjoy life then?’

To all of them, and anyone who is interested to know: I do not have a logical answer to this. I don’t drink simply because I don’t want to. Disappointed with the answer? Live with it. But, yes there may be a psychological reason, with me considering myself superior or a ‘good’ guy just cause I do not booze. And yes, I do feel uncomfortable when people drink around me. Can’t help it. And watching people knock themselves out/puking, fully drunk, actually makes me feel disgusted to the core.

And I do not party, because I don’t like crowds. Plus I do not drink or dance. No point just standing and staring at the people, is there?

ii) Why do I not have a girlfriend? Why don’t I date anyone?


Again, I do not know. I do NOT have any principle of not dating a girl. I am totally fine with dating or having relationships. It’s just that it hasn’t happened so far. End of story. Yes, maybe I didn’t put in any effort to woo a girl. Maybe girls don’t like to be around me. And of course, going to a bar or pub and trying to buy a girl a drink doesn’t count, when you don’t visit bars. Being from a ‘Boys Only’ school, an Engineer and an MBA from a top bschool does not help when it comes to making female friends, or girlfriends. And being someone who doesn’t like to socialize much will also provide limited opportunities for hanging out with the fairer sex.

Do I care? Maybe, maybe not. It all depends on luck. Konnichiwa 2014.

Why I have so few Friends!

Right now I am sitting at home, doing nothing. Well almost nothing, apart from reading some books, watching Smallville and One Piece, and occasionally sports and Emotional Atyachaar (yes, you got that right) on tv. I have been doing the same for almost two months now. From next month onwards, I shall be a Management Trainee at BASF India, Mumbai.

I have been growing through some mood swings recently. Often, I end up feeling depressed and frustrated, when negative feelings take over. Maybe its cause I don’t have any proper work to do. Or maybe because there is no friend here in my home town. Which again sets me to introspect and retrospect. Hence this post.

What is the definition of a friend to me? Okay, I will skip that. Why do I have so few friends? That’s a more interesting question. Well, first of all I would like to mention that I categorize my friends according to hierarchy. I know quite a few people will claim that they treat all their friends equally, etc, but that’s plain crap. Nobody can treat everyone similarly. There is bound to be bias. Hence, I clearly claim that I make a hierarchy of friendship. Unlike my previous posts, I shall not be taking any names in this one.

At the top layer, there is the Category 1. This is an exclusive category for my closest and true friends. Only 3 or 4 people fall in this category. These are the ones whom I can trust blindly, and have known since childhood.

The second layer, category 2 comprises of those friends whom I may not have known for very long, but nevertheless I do trust them to a large extent, and I also feel comfortable and happy in their presence. It brings about a positive aura, when I am surrounded by them. Nevertheless, I shall not be sharing everything with them.

The third layer, is category 3. These are those people with whom I have had multiple conversations, and I appreciate their work. However, I do not share any close bonds with them, and it wont make much of a difference to me if I am not in touch with someone for long. Sometimes I even have had fights, and arguments with these people(Of course, we can all generalize and say that friends keep having fights, but I meant differently).

The last layer is category 4. These people are not strictly friends, but more like acquaintances and present in my facebook friend list. I may have talked to them a few times, smiled to them out of courtesy, but beyond that, there is scarcely anything. They are just one degree above strangers, in my view. Highly likely to be forgotten as time goes by.

Yes, I know many of you will find this categorization strange or even bizarre. But that is exactly how it is. In fact, our minds are tuned to categorize people in different ways, based upon our perception of them. This is one reason why we can never totally avoid being judgmental.

So back to the original issue at hand. I admit, I have very few ‘true’ friends, ie those who belong to category one. And not many in category 2 either. What is the reason for that? Being an introvert? Being unsocial? Maybe, both of the reasons are true. I also usually do not initiate a conversation. I do not like talking about myself. In fact, I do not like talking without any purpose[ie random chit chat]. I prefer to listen. And I very rarely open up to anyone. I never share my feelings with others either. So I guess those are the logical reasons which my mind shares. But the truth may be different. Who knows.

Now, to come to a specific area: Female friends. Zero in Category 1. And just a couple or so in Category 2. That’s it. Surprised? Well that’s the truth. I have very few female friends. I could count them on the fingers of one hand. I guess the problem is that I rarely talk to females about matters besides education/work. And even that talk is limited. I studied in a all boys school, and had very limited interaction with girls, even in college. Of course, if you do Engineering and then MBA(from a premier institute) your interaction with the fairer sex is bound to be limited. Forget dating or asking a girl out, even talking to a girl was like a difficult chore for me. Though of course, I did talk to a few of them, and have chatted online with many, but could hardly make friends with anyone. I can even say that I did not have a single female friend before MBA. My closest friends are all male. And I do not see any change coming in the future.

Sometimes, I do feel sad about it of course. Most of my batchmates (both engg and MBA) have a healthy mix of friends from both genders. I would have desired the same. Maybe not many friends, but equal numbers of both genders. However, that was not to be. I guess it is because of my nature.

I do not believe that facebook chat and gtalk is an alternative for actual face to face interactions. In fact, virtual friendship has made life tougher for us. I resent the fact that I spend more time chatting and whatsapping than talking to people in real. This is something which I must seriously change in myself. I hate socializing, but I could try that too, in Mumbai. Maybe participate in some blogger discussions or debates, etc. But of course, I will avoid parties, as I consider them to be a simple waste of time. Travelling is something which I want to do as well.

You know that you will feel miserable when you badly want to go someplace (such as the movies) but don’t have even a single friend to accompany you[I watched both Iron Man 3, and Man of Steel alone]. But the fault is in me, attribution theory has taught me that.

See you around folks.

Its Her Fault. She was wearing Indecent Clothes!

I was reading this article on yahoo,check Here , and the comments which followed it. Apparently a Principal of a college asked a girl to pull down the zipper of her pullover to show her T-shirt. That was ostensibly done to check if the girl was wearing an indecent dress or not, and whether she deserved punishment for it. Many people supported the action of the principal, saying that girls should not wear provocative dresses to college, as it is responsible for corrupting the society, and that it instigates men to carry out nefarious tasks[read- Sexual assault].

Okay, my point is, no matter what kind of clothes a girl wears, what right do you[any male] have to tell her to unzip her pullover[or any other dress] and show you what lies underneath, etc. If majority of the people are offended by someones clothing, then he/she should be told explicitly that a dressing code needs to be followed, irrespective of the gender of the person. Why single out girls alone?

We live in a Male-dominated society, there is no doubt about that. Men are supposed to dictate the rules, and women are supposed to follow them with unquestionable obedience. If such a thing does not happen, the man gets angered, and with an injured ego, does his level best to take revenge[ Read- Honour Killing, Rape, Molestation(especially when his advances are spurned), Kidnapping, Murder, Domestic Violence- say on refusal to give dowry, Other Crimes, etc]. If a girl gets raped, its her fault for wearing provocative dresses and wandering alone at night. If a girl gets molested or beaten up, its her fault for not responding to the advances made by hoodlums. If a girl marries someone against the wishes of her relatives, she is ostracized and treated as an outcast, as a disgrace on the family. If a girl[or her family] is unable to provide sufficient amount of dowry, she is subjected to domestic violence. And the in-laws justify it by saying-'Un logo ne hamari Demand poori nahi ki'





In todays world, the situation has improved somewhat. Women are becoming independent, leading teams, becoming managers in famous organizations, etc. However crime against women has not subsidized. Sexual harassment cases[in workplaces] are on the rise. Most men still cannot accept women as their equal. They want to dominate over them and make them do what they wish.

People try to justify their horrendous act[say molestation or sexual assault] by saying that the girl wasnt dressed appropriately. This is ridiculous. No matter what kind of dress a girl wears, who on earth has given you the license to go and exploit a woman? Its almost as if wearing such clothes unleashes such an irresistible lecherous urge in men, coupled with lust, that they cannot stop themselves. Its true that Indian society is still mostly conservative in the sense that people tend to feel uncomfortable if they see girls wearing a skimpy outfit, or tight-fitting clothes, etc. But you have the choice of not looking at them, going away from the place if you wish. Or if its a public gathering, and you and your are feeling extremely uncomfortable, just go and tell them what you feel. But theres absolutely no excuse for molesting or mistreating women on account of their clothing.

With advent of westernization, Indian people are doing their best when it comes to imitation. Women walking in bikinis may be an ordinary sight in America or Brazil, but may flabbergast Indian people[especially middle aged or above]. Moreover, Indian men are known to be lewd, they love staring at women and passing comments, whistling, etc. Most people act as if that is normal. 'Arrey, jawan ladka hai. Abhi hi to umar hai yeh sab karne ki,' is a common reply. Aur jab woh jawan ladka koi kharab harkat kare, then its all the fault of girls who are asking for trouble by trying to be independent. 'Usko ghar se bahar jaane ko kisni kaha tha? She deserved it.' Such outdated mentality has no place in the current civilized society.

In ancient Greece and Rome, rape was legal. And the woman who got raped was considered to be a criminal and punished. Sometimes even burnt to death. In present day India, most rape victims are considered as a black spot in society, and are further harassed by the police, if they are bold enough to file a report. Most cases are never reported, and if they are, the criminal manages to escape by paying a paltry fine. In rare cases do criminals serve out an entire rape sentence[that too of a mere 7 years]. There have been instances of criminals raping the same woman again after getting out of prison. Where are we headed? If we have such a defunct law, how can we think of handling justice? Most rapes occur because the rapist is confident that he can get away with it.



If you see a woman in a skimpy outfit[or any outfit for that matter], and you cannot control your impulses, and you assault her, then you are a certified criminal. There can be no excuse for your immoral behavior. Let women wear whatever they are comfortable in. It is you[read-man] who needs to control your emotions. For a second think the reverse. Assume that a man is walking topless in the street. Do you expect every girl to jump and pounce on him? Even if they did, would you say that it is the fault of the man for not wearing proper clothes? So why should you blame a girl for what she wears[or does not wear]? When a girl says No, she MEANS NO. Do not take that NO for a Yes, that she is inviting you to violate her. True, the society is heavily tilted in favor of males. But that does not mean we should not opt for equality.

If you think that I am exaggerating too much, then feel free to read this News-18 Year Old Girl burned to death for defying rape.. Maybe then your viewpoint will change.

We men[that includes me] should learn to give women the respect they deserve. We should learn to appreciate the work they do, the decisions they make. For a developing and progressing country, we need to shed our archaic outlook, and move ahead. For a better India and a better world. Lets join our hands together in Fighting Crimes against Women.

So Few!

Well this is a topic I had wanted to write about since a long time. Probably over 3 years. Finally I have got the chance to write it in my blog. It is a controversial topic, and I don’t expect you to agree with me.

I suppose many of you might have wondered as to why there are so few girls in the IITs, IIMs and many other premier institutions, mainly related to engineering and management. Is it because girls are not as smart or academically brilliant as their male counterparts? Or is it because they are not interested or mentally inclined towards such streams(engineering, management, etc)? Or is it because of our mental and social outlook towards girls? Or lack of opportunities? Or something else? Why is it that over 90% of the cases, it’s always the male who emerges as the so called winner?

For the past few centuries, in India, women have been treated with lack of respect. They were expected to act as housewives and home keepers only. Female education was strictly discouraged and prohibited by many. Nobody wanted their daughters to pursue higher studies. Though this situation has changed in recent times, we still have a long way to go. For starters, India is a country which has a low sex ratio, around 925. Most of the developed countries have a sex ratio of over 1000, where the females are given equal rights as men. We find women workers, engineers, entrepreneurs, doctors, managers, etc in every area. No longer is the female sex, considered as a weaker sex. At least, this is true in developed countries. The situation in developing, or underdeveloped countries is far grimmer. In countries such as Afghanistan, women are discouraged from even coming out in the open, let alone working at par with men. The situation in India is better, but it can still improve. The condition of rural women is deteriorating day by day. Many urban women are working nowadays, but they form just a fraction of the total working force.

If you take any company, or any premier institution, educational or otherwise, the percentage of males will always surpass that of females. Why does this anomaly exist? Shouldn’t females be given equal rights and opportunities? For starters, not all women are willing to work in companies, and managing the house is an equally important task. Taking care of children, is also something which the women feel is a prerequisite. So that takes care of the company’s thing. What about the institutions? Well, it is partly true, that many girls prefer to study arts and commerce, and few are interested in Science or Mathematical subjects. Whether this is due to peer pressure or not, is another question. So I decided to due some research about this. This is what I found:

In the premier engineering institutes, the percentage of girls usually varies from 10% to 25%. Though there are exceptions, no doubt. In the not-so-good engineering colleges, the percentage of girls is usually a bit higher, than say the IITs, but nevertheless it scarcely goes beyond the 30% mark. There are very few girls in IITs.

The percentage of girls in Commerce colleges, usually ranges around the 50% mark. Or less. I do not have further information about this. 

I am not considering girls-only colleges, especially in the Arts stream. But under co-ed, arts stream, the percentage of girls is usually higher than boys. But we have very few premier Arts institutions in the country. 

For Science courses, such as BSc, MSc, etc, again the percentage of boys is usually higher than that of girls, by a wide margin. Very few girls, go for higher scientific research. 

Same is the situation for many other courses, such as BCA, BBA(here girls sometimes form a majority), MCA, Maths/Physics/Geography etc Honours, and others. 

Finally we come to management. The situation in IIMs is even worse than the IITs. The percentage of girls usually ranges from a miserable 5% to 10%. Should this situation be accepted, and left as it is, accepting that boys in general have better aptitude than girls? Surely we don’t want ‘All-Boys’ IIMs? Do we need to create a separate female reservation quota? Though most people would argue against it. Especially the male class. Maybe reservation is not the solution. But definitely the situation needs to improve. Girls should be encouraged to come forward and pursue higher studies. They should be treated with respect, at par with boys, and given proper guidance, not neglected, as has been done in the past. The concept that girls are only fit for cooking, washing and sewing has now become obsolete. I have seen many people, who simply assume that girls do not deserve to do well, and it will only be males who will succeed. This is just pure male chauvinism.  

Girls may not be physically as strong as their male counterparts, but are definitely capable of matching them in all other aspects, especially in handling stress, mental duress, emotional strains, etc. Moreover, the environment in study institutions becomes much more amiable, with the presence and liveliness of the fairer sex. There would be much less fights, as to who should win over the particular girl as well, assuming there is 1 girl for every 20 guys. (Okay this was a joke)

More on this topic later. Have to scram. See you all later, folks. Keep commenting. Adios,