Monday, May 31, 2010

Relationships, Trust and Betrayal




*Continued From Previous Post


The hardest thing in the world is not to get entry into an IIT or IIM, but to control one’s emotions. Especially the negative emotions. Its not possible for any living being to get rid of them, but they can definitely be subdued by staying optimistic, thinking and acting positively, and doing scrupulous deeds. Keep yourself in company of optimistic people, who are ready to work for a noble cause, and who believe that there is NO shortcut for success. I guess you must have an idea of why relationships break. Moreover, in recent times, we see that the youth [especially the guys] are not really looking for love and caring. They are looking for trophies [which they euphemistically call girlfriends] that they can display for others to see, and which can satisfy their lust. Of course there are exceptions, but they are far and few in between. They have no shame in changing their trophies when they feel the current one is rusted. In fact, the more they get the better for them. This is their lugubrious mentality.

Most girls look for their ‘Prince in Shining armor’ who will love them and care for them forever. Their weakness is that they are too trusting. Even Count Dracula can come in a ‘Prince Armor’ and pretend to be an Angel[read Ideal Partner]. And it’s quite likely that the girl may fall for such a trick. The real trouble comes when the girl gets exposed to the actual reality. Unfortunately most of the time, she will blatantly refuse to believe that her ‘Prince’ [in reality Dracula] can do any salacious or immoral activity. She will blindly continue to trust him[refusing the advice of others], till he actually dumps her. After that, she will be shocked. ‘How could this happen? He could not have done something like this.’ If only she had opened her eyes sooner, none of this would have happened. Most of the suicides in India happen due to failed love, apart from failed examinations of course.



Okay, so now that you know why relationships break so often, what’s the remedy? Do we stop trusting everyone, isolate ourselves and live alone till we die of loneliness? Obviously not. Just don’t trust anyone and everyone. Try to know a person properly before you give your heart out to him/her. But the Golden Rule is –‘Never take anything[or anyone] for granted.’ That person may be your partner now, but he/she may not be with you tomorrow. Do don’t be over-dependent on anyone. Do not blindly trust others. This does not mean that you don’t love others. Share as much love as you can, but at the same time, be prepared mentally and emotionally for any scenario. If you believe something such as-‘She loves me so much, that she can never leave me no matter what happens’, then you are only living in a Fool’s paradise. People change, and there is nothing you can do about it.

If you are ready to face any situation, it will add on to your advantage. First of all, you will not be shocked if someone betrays you. Definitely it will hurt in the beginning, but you will learn to move ahead with your life. Always remember that life is not about a few individuals alone. The most important step is Forgiveness- it will help you feel better and move on. Do NOT hold grudges against anyone, even if that person has betrayed you for no apparent reason [I know its very much easier said than done, but trust me its worth it]. Do not keep thinking about your past-the broken relations which cannot be mended. Discussing your problems with friends [genuine ones obviously] will always make you feel better. Moreover, remember that it’s just NOT possible to please everyone. There will always be some people who will complain about and criticize your actions and pass lewd comments. These are the people best ignored.

Keep yourself busy with work. It really helps. An Empty Mind is Indeed a Devil’s workshop. If you keep yourself occupied, it’s quite likely you wont keep thinking about your broken relationships. Aim to be altruistic. I find this principle to be quite effective-‘If the problem is only affecting me, then it’s not a problem worth looking at.’ Of course its not true, you should not ignore your problems. But considering that you are just one individual in this world of nearly 7 billion people, your problem [especially if it’s just affecting you] can’t be all that serious, can it?

Finally, you may have a question similar to this one- ‘I did whatever you mentioned. I loved her, gave her everything I could, treated her kindly, with care, gave her loads of gifts, took her to movies, blah blah blah, Yet she still left me. Why did she betray me?’
Alas, as I said earlier, there is no specific answer. Remember that you do not necessarily have to do something Wrong for someone[he/she could have been very close to you] to betray you or leave you. It’s just the subtle intricacies of the human mind, mysterious and inexplicable. You cannot force anyone[neither should you] to do things according to your wish. Similarly you can’t force them to stay with you forever, or love you incessantly.

Thanks a lot for going through this mammoth post. Do share your views and thoughts about this sensitive issue.

18 comments:

Shri Ram Ayyangar said...

Relationship is really a complex issue and the solutions to sustain may not work on every one, all the time.Remember an old song from BR Chopra movie "Gumrah"- Chalo ek baar phir se , Ajanabi ban jayen hum dono!

Ana_treek said...

A herculean task, it will be:)

Satwinder Singh said...

@Ram: Yes, i agree. Nostalgic.

@Ana_treek: But possible.. :)

satwati said...

@satwinder

Its nice reading ur blog. The topic is woth noticing! N watever u mentioned here i simply agree wid u.
Relationships r too delicate...we should always take good care of it! Its like holding sand in ur fists...the more u try 2 hold it tight, it slips away frm ur hold! We shud love unconditionally n keep no xpctatns...den only maybe we'll nt get hurt! But all these r very easy 2 say but very hard 2 follow coz we all r typical human beings n its human nature dat slowly wid tym we get close 2 a person n gradually xpctatns r born. n wen our xpctatns r nt fulfilled we get hurt n our face is lyk d sad smiley!! But den also we cant stop loving some1 though we know well dat we may get hurt by d same person....

So...Relationships,acc 2 me, r very complex... hard 4 me as i myself hv nevr been in a relatinship but still i guess i have made myslf clear 2 u...
Ur writing is just OMG!
Keep blogging:-)

Journomuse said...

If there was a formula to make relationships work, there would have been more number of millionaires cashing in on the elixir to love. Interesting take, stumbled on this post as it seemed to have shades of what I was referring to in my latest one....

Satwinder Singh said...

@Satwati: Thanks a lot for your precious comment. Am v grateful.. :)

Plus your views are quite apt and correct. Its wise not to expect too much of someone else and give your partner sufficient freedom without being over-possessive. Keep reading, and thanks again. :)

@Journomuse: Thanks a lot for the comment. Will go through your post as well.. :)

Prerna Munshi said...

Good one! :):) I liked your blog! Keep writing

Aphron said...

Good post! On a Lighter note can't we just have Bhramacharya as our Motto??
All these problems will never arise!!
No wonder why sages preached Bhramacharya! Even they could not solve this problem!

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Rakesh Mallya said...

Good one. Loved reading it.

Satwinder Singh said...

@Aphron: Haha, v nice concept. :D

@Rakesh: thanks a lot.. :)

Sharda said...

Shri Ram is right,a relationship doesn't work by 'the rules':)But I like your blog;)
http://superenergetic.blogspot.com

namit said...

so true.. :) nice post...

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sunny said...

it's wonderful blog , let me say as clearly as possible that i was searching in the ocean of virtual world to get some practical tips in betrayal relationship bcoz i myself a victim of such , no doubt this blog help me a lots t recover , So all my heart's wishes going to SATWINDER SINGH , for his wonderful article , carry on buddy , a lots of things needed to learn from you , thanks

Motifs said...

Really good for someone who is so young, your perception is very clear towards life,expectations..you are going to make someone very happy..Congratulations..will look forward to reading more.

ruby said...

your post is really really good and will be very helpful to many ppl out there like me...
'dont be overdependent on anyone'...thats the only way for happiness always!
some of my thoughts..
all ppl will hurt u at some point of time..no matter how close..
just dont let the sadness of betrayal/breakup drag you down in life...the other person might be living well off without you..according to them they would have done the right thing!u cant make them see things ur way..so move on..life is short and time flies..

Chitz said...

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