I am still Alive

So what has been going on in my life lately? Nothing much, just the same old grind of corporate life. I have now realised why hardly anybody is happy doing his day to day job, but has to keep going, for many factors, financial, social or the like. Or maybe just because any other option does not suit him or her. It has become more of a daily chore than anything else.

Mumbai weather is getting hot and humid, and definitely not the kind where you look forward to going out or travel long distance. Heck, even going into the plant premises in this heat serves as a deterrent. There are quite a few things that i want to do, but the planning has been lacking. It’s almost as if the entire week, you just wait for the weekends to arrive, and once they do, all you want to do is sit back and relax, and in a flash, you are back to your hotseat(office) again. Am I playing hide and seek with time again?

They say having friends is extremely instrumental in your life. So why do I feel even more lonely than before. Where are the friends when you need them? Or maybe it was the introvert and unsocial nature of myself which led me to the state where i am currently. I do not know. Right now, I am just trying to put my thoughts onto paper (not literally), but i guess all i am doing is exposing the confused state of my affairs.

Why is saving money in Mumbai such a pain. You just go out a few times, and you already feel penniless. Not to add the astronomical rents, and other expenses. Sometimes i wonder how people manage to survive here at all. Nevertheless in spite of being one of the costliest cities in the world, with all its traffic and problems, I still feel that this city has a heart, and i have developed a soft corner for it. Something which never happened with either Kolkata or Delhi. Thats another discussion altogether.

Thankfully, one of my oldest habit of reading continues to this day. Finishing more books, and starting yet some more. I am definitely going to finish all of Murakami’s works. The guy is simply a genius. Anime continues as well. Definitely enjoying the Uchiha Itachi arc in Naruto Shippuden (I think the first time ever that i am enjoying watching a filler series). As far as video games go, not having much time for it, but still MGS 5 is going great. Just completed a long mission, and it thrilled me like it did for MGS 1, nearly a decade ago. There are quite a few games I am yet to catch up on.

I am quite sad to say that the fitness thing is going nowhere, and I have become more fat and overweight than before. It is time to say-Do or die. Reading Quora answers is a great source of motivation and occasional time pass. I have had a stint with some dating apps(including Tinder), which got me a few friends(yes, even if I didn't find anyone to Date), and after a long time in my life, I am spending some time with females. Getting to understand the female gender is a herculean task, but extremely enjoyable.

This year is going to be a year of marriages, as lot of my good friends and relatives are getting married. My best friend is going to get married this year as well. Of course I have always been a social recluse, and attending marriages isn't exactly my best idea of having fun. Nevertheless its good to step out of your comfort zone every once in a while. [Note to self- Stepping out in the afternoon heat from your AC room, doesn't really help much besides making you sick].

I am also listening to lot of old hindi songs, mostly the emotional ones. And their remixes. Particularly liked the Sanam Puri version of Mere Mehboob. Listened to it like 10 times in a row. I have been hit by severe depression often, including recent times. I need to develop a positive attitude towards life to deal with it. In spite of knowing the universal fact that there is no real purpose or meaning to your existence. You just survive, and then you die. Thats it. Considering yourself as some special entity or someone with a greater purpose is nothing more than fooling yourself into believing old myths.