Tuesday, June 15, 2010

7 Reasons Why Smoking is actually Good!

NOTE (Important):- This is a sarcastic prose on what troubles you have to face if you are a smoker. I am not encouraging anyone to smoke in any way. In fact, I strongly condemn it [as you shall read in the last paragraph of this post] and urge all of you to stay away from it.

7 Reasons why Smoking is Good for you:

1) Life is so screwed up, and many elderly people don’t receive their pension on time. Their children desert them and they have to spend their time in an old-age home, totally desolate and lonely. But the good news is, you won’t even reach that age. So no tension about post-retirement plans or getting bored stranded in a wheel chair. You will be long gone before that.

2) You know how crowds feel like, right? People cluttered together in large numbers, queues, bus-stops, etc? Well now you have just the ideal solution for this dilemma: Since you are smoking away, few people will dare to come near you. So you will be given plenty of space to move around. Of course that makes you an easier target for the policeman eagerly on the lookout of prey[Note- Bribes], but then everything has its pro’s and con’s right? Oh, and did I mention that all the good looking girls will be keeping a healthy 100-meter gap as well?

3) Remember all the times you wanted to be a daredevil by playing with fire? Well, now’s your chance. Of course there are the occasional finger burns, but nothing can compare with the fire in your lungs can it?

4) Of course you are doing a noble thing. By smoking, not only are you endangering yourself but the lives of others as well. Smoking kills millions of people each other, thus as an optimist smoker would say- ‘We are helping in keeping population under check.’

5) You give the IPCC and the other Climate Control Panels/Boards out there a valid reason to scream and complain against climate change/global warming. You should feel proud to contribute towards pollution discharge. If you were not smoking, we would have low amounts of pollution, and the anti-pollution agencies would be jobless. Never mind the fact that humans and other animals have to pay with their lives. It’s perfectly acceptable.

6) You scream and say- ‘Yeah so what if I smoke? Millions of people smoke all around the globe. All major Hollywood and Bollywood actors do it. It makes me look damn cool.’ Damning it is. I say that millions of people die due to lung cancer every year. You are more than welcome to join the club. And its real cool spending the last moments of your life in a hospital bed unable to breathe is it not? With your lungs burning and gasping for air, and your mouth unable to fathom the taste of food any more. It sure is cool I suppose.

7) Remember the days when you used to give fatuous excuses for bunking classes in school? Well, smoking is an art which makes you the Master of Excuses. Here are some of them- ‘ Well, my friends forced me to do it. I want to quit but am completely addicted now. There’s nothing wrong in smoking a few cigarettes every day. Oh come on for God’s sake- Everyone does it. I can’t concentrate on work unless I have a smoke first.’ Get the idea?

Come on folks, there is NOTHING COOL about dying a miserable death, by indulging in nefarious practices such as smoking. Smoking will not make you more attractive, nor will it help you in any way. Avoid the company of chain smokers as far as possible. We must unite and fight against smoking. Smoking in public places is now a punishable offense under the Indian Penal Code. If you see anyone smoking in bus-stands, restaurants, public transport, etc DO SPEAK up or complain to a law-enforcer. By staying silent, you become a passive smoker yourself. Inhaling the smoke is almost as harmful as smoking yourself. So stop tolerating and start acting.


Prerna Munshi said...

I laughed my head off...
Good job! :):)

gk said...

:) rofl

Aphron said...

Nice way to bring home the point! Sarcasm always works. I don't know if govt really wants to implement the ban on smoking! Near my place there are many boards which indicate No smoking in public places but there is no contact number to report to!

Keep up the good work!


Hey Saty few points from my side.

1) I am the biggest contributor to the economy some FMCG's are solely running on the revenues i generate

2) Every packet i smoke increases the cigerrate consumption in this world which in turns increase the global Job opportunities.

3) Exported cigars and ciggerates helps in increasing the foreign reserves of the country.

4) Tobbaco industry is flourishing and i am the sole reason.

etc :D

Nice post good concept but i found it more emotional than sarcastic ( Punch was lacking).

Satwinder Singh said...

@Prerna: Thanks, keep laughing.

@Gk: :D

@Aphron: Yep, its mostly because of our chalta hai attitude, we would rather stay quiet than protest.

@soulblogger: thanks for the feedback. :)

Journomuse said...

Interesting take. Liked all the excuses too..:)

kunjan said...

Interesting way to tell people about the hazards of cigarette. Now a days youngsters thinks it is a cool and smart thing to do. Keep spreading such massages by your sarcastic posts. you proving the saying right " pen is mightier than the sword"

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