The Last 4 Years

*Note- This is a Personal Post and if you are not interested in reading about my personal life, kindly skip it.

Some of you [Especially if you know me personally] may have wondered that I have rarely written anything about my college life. In fact almost nothing. Maybe you were a bit puzzled as to why be that so? After all, college life is supposed to be the most enjoyable, fun period of one’s life. It’s the time when a teenager blossoms into an adult. It’s a time when students get to become independent, learn to party, start preparing for job interviews, make their career paths, get into good[or bad] company, make multiple friends, in short enjoy their most productive years. College life is something which no person forgets. Many[or most] people consider it as the best time of their life. People currently bogged down with their hectic work schedule recollect their college days with nostalgia. Unfortunately all the above characteristics do not apply to me.

If you ask me to describe my college life in one word, I would say-‘Pathetic’. I did not enjoy anything for one moment, hardly made any friends, hardly did anything productive, faced betrayals, threats, abuses, detested the classes like anything, hardly did anything of use in practical classes, and even the extra-curriculars weren’t up to the mark. Now first of all let me state that I do not hold ANYBODY responsible for my situation. If I have to blame anyone for it, it would be myself alone. Though I have had serious arguments with some people here, I do not believe in holding grudges against anyone. You may think that I am being too pessimistic, that everyone faces his/her shares of ups and downs in college, that we have to witness both good times and bad times. It’s just that I feel that I experienced the bad times 9 out of 10 times.

Often when I tell others[people who are not in my college] about how I feel, most of them reply in the same way-‘You will feel like this now, but once you leave the college you will start missing it.’ I can assure you that I will not feel that way. In fact, it’s just the opposite. I am in fact desperate to get out of my college and finally start enjoying my life. I almost feel as if I am carrying out a prison sentence of 4 years. Maybe one of the reasons for my sorrow is the fact that I did not stay in a hostel. Hence I did not get to mix around with people much. I made just a handful of real friends, and I felt that most people here are just too casual to take anything[including studies] seriously. In short, I disliked the environment here from the start. I felt that most of the teachers here are at best, just average, and many do not even know basic details of the subject they are supposed to teach. I will not blame them, as they are possibly paid quite less, and it is obvious that they joined the teaching profession only because they were unable to find jobs elsewhere. So its natural to say that the classes are a big bore, and I don’t think I have actually learned anything of use in the past four years.

Often I ask myself this question-‘What on earth am I doing here? Shouldn’t I be in a better college, or maybe doing some other course?’ I wish I could answer that. Maybe I made a big mistake by joining this institution. Maybe I should not even be doing Computer Science and Engineering. Who knows. I wish I could go back into the past and change the decisions I made. But that is just a losers approach. I have to take responsibility for my action and bear with the consequence. That’s the way of life.
In fact I believe that my college life is a perfect example of What a College life SHOULD NOT be. Academically, I did not learn anything, socially I could not make friends, recreation wise, I did not attend any party, or any festival with dealt with fun, environment wise, I could not adjust, as I always felt that I was incompatible here. Slowly, I shut myself off with the rest [in college]. I would pretend as if everything was okay, but hardly anyone noticed my pain. People believed I was selfish. But for me, every day was like a torture session. I was feeling suffocated, depressed, dejected. I knew I had to get out. That was the only thing which kept me going. That and my desire to get into a top Bschool, which was one of my goals.

There are many people here who do not have any ambition at all. They are satisfied the way they are. They have no desire to learn or to excel. While most of them at least desire to get jobs, some are even too lethargic for that. Its as if wasting time doing all sort of negative activities[smoking, drinking, drugs, pornography, abusing others to name a few] is the only thing that matters in college. Today I will admit that I always wanted to rise above such people, and then come out on top. What made the difference is ambition. I knew I could never be satisfied with a mere degree and an ordinary job.

My college life will end in two months. I am eager to forget, to leave everything behind, and start anew, afresh, rejuvenated. A New life, a New beginning. One which will hopefully be much better than the previous one. Even today, if someone asks me what exactly I learned or gained in my four years of college life, I have no qualms in giving a one word answer-‘Nothing’.